shortchanged by nature

• 04-03-2009 7:35 PM

  jess1 Joined on 04-04-2009 Posts 4

  shortchanged by nature Reply Contact last fall, we found out that we are expecting our second child. our first was delivered by cesarean due to cephalopelvic disproportion; therefore we will have a repeat with this baby as well. i love being a mother; but when my friends say things like : "you are so lucky that you had a cesarean" and "natural labor is so hard, i want a cesarean"; i feel as if im only half a mom because i didn't suffer through an agonizing labor. i feel a little cheated because i had no option in cesarean vs. natural delivery, and now i can't even have a VBAC. im sure that natural labor is difficult, but the recovery from my surgery was no walk in the park. has anyone else felt this way? and what do i say to those friends of mine when they act as if i won the childbearing lotto?

• 04-04-2009 6:18 PM

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  CrissiLovesDylan Joined on 08-24-2007 Washington Posts 154

  Re: shortchanged by nature Reply Contact I hear ya!!! I have always been very into midwifery and wholistic approaches to medicine and treatment, and it was kinda a bummer when I didn't get to try my hand at 'natural' labor. My baby was ten days late and over nine pounds, I'm only 5 feet tall, and 130, no dice at fitting that. Does it really make a huge amount of distance where the exit hole was for my little evictee? At one point after we got home from the hospital, DH asked me, "Do you feel like you got robbed, since you weren't able to deliver him?" I coulda torn his head right off. Excuse me? I DID deliver him, I don't know where you were, but I carried this kid for nine long months, and gave birth to him! I suppose I should just remember thathe's a man, and can't possibly grasp the concept. Just because the baby took a shortcut on the way, doesn't mean I did! If anything, the real reason I was bummed, was because I knew the recovery process is so long and painful, and DH had to go back to work only two days after Dyl was born. That was rough, no lie.

• 04-06-2009 9:35 PM

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  jackie2786523 Joined on 04-07-2009 Posts 7	Re: shortchanged by nature Reply Contact Wether your baby is deliverd by cesarean or natural you are bringing a new life into the world and dont let anyone tell you different. You are going to be a parent no matter how he or she comes into this world.

• 04-24-2009 4:45 AM

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  beatrice2677527 Joined on 10-02-2008 Posts 1

  Re: shortchanged by nature Reply Contact Hi,i had my baby in december through a cesaerean becos the doctors felt that having had a fibroid operation in the past there was a risk of tearing at the operation site. having the baby(my First) was an excitng experience.my sister was allowed into the theatre and when my baby was eventually pulled out and brought to me, iwas elated,amazed and thankful that she was safe,healthy and sound.i am 39years old and though the recovery was no piece of cake i was relieved i didnt have to go thru the agony of labour. The most important thing is having your baby in your arms at last! What do you think about women who choose to use epidural?are they less mothers than those who actually felt the pain? Relax my dear and enjoy your child or children as the case may eventually be.

• 04-25-2009 6:17 AM

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  camilleandjoseph Joined on 12-21-2006 Posts 93

  Re: shortchanged by nature Reply Contact AS my MIL told me after I had my fist son by c-section and was feeling down ( I had planned a drug free birth) they don't hand out prizes for the most painful, painfreee, etct type of birth. She reminded me I had a beautiful son that I carried under my heart for nine months and then used my head to make the best decision for his survivial. He had the cord wrapped around his neck 3 times. The OB tells me he could have suffered some brain damage if we had continued with a natuarl delivery or even he could have died. So sweetie tell them every birth counts and every birth has its ups and down. Heck you have the war wound or the wound of love that you will carry with you foreverr.

• 04-25-2009 9:57 PM

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  CrissiLovesDylan Joined on 08-24-2007 Washington Posts 154

  Re: shortchanged by nature Reply Contact camilleandjoseph: they don't hand out prizes for the most painful, painfreee, etct type of birth. She reminded me I had a beautiful son that I carried under my heart for nine months and then used my head to make the best decision for his survivial. Sorry, I just had to say that this post made me feel all warm and fuzzy! It's nice to hear someone say beautiful things like that!

• 05-26-2009 4:06 PM

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  TrinaPedro Joined on 05-26-2009 Posts 3

  Re: shortchanged by nature Reply Contact I hear you. I intended a natural birth, but after about 30 hours of labor , only 6c dilated and him still at -2 (same position he had been at for many weeks before), and trying many other things to make the labor stronger and more productive, I had a C-section too. I wasn't banking on all the recovery time from a C-section and think I my have hurt myself by doing too much while still on the painkillers when I did not notice any pain going up and down our stairs many times a day and other activities. I thought I was taking it easy, but. . . We are not sure why this happened, but it may be the 15 fibroids (we only knew of the one HUGE one) or that fact that the big one was attached / adhered to my bowel. It was a disappointment, but we must focus on the result - our beautiful healthy baby boy. I have cried some about it, and may need to more later, but it is what it is. Oh, one thing my mother said that made me feel better when she saw how well my boy was breastfeeding was "If you had to choose b/t a natural birth a breastfeeding, breastfeeding is certainly the one you would choose." A few people we know had wonderful natural births, but lots of obstacles to breastfeeding that made it not possible or not possible for more than a few weeks. So rather than focus on how the birth was by c-section, I chose to focus on how lucky we were that breastfeeding was working out for us with relative ease. I don't know if you did that or plan to do that, so I hope that hopeful thought does not backfire, but I know it made me feel better.

• 05-29-2009 10:56 AM

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  amber2828055 Joined on 05-29-2009 Pompano Beach, FL Posts 4

  Re: shortchanged by nature Reply Contact I gave birth to my daughter in June 2008. She refused to turn into position until the day before..go figure. I was scheduled to be induced and I was super happy. 15 hours after they started inducing me I had barely dialated 1 cm. My doctor came in and said that something was wrong. My heart dropped. I wanted to experience natural childbirth so badly. Instead I was given an epideral and rushed to the OR. The doctors didn't say much to me at the time. I had all these ideas going in my head. They were able to get her out and thankfully she was okay. The problem was that my placenta was so high up and the cord was wrapped around her neck twice. As my body was trying to push her out I was actually hanging her!! I'll never forget the sigh of relief the doctors gave once I saw her pretty lil face coming over that curtain. She suffered no major damage and it's thanks to the quick thinking of by doctor. I must say that recovering from a C-section stinks. Especially when I found out that I'm in the rare 2% that demoral doesn't affect. No matter what... I can't wait to do it again!!!!!

• 06-01-2009 6:03 AM

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  kt1967 Joined on 07-07-2008 Posts 6

  Re: shortchanged by nature Reply Contact I have absolutely no regrets having a c-section. As I told the OB, the goal was not to make me feel more like a woman to give birth vaginally. The goal was to deliver a healthy baby. I still feel like a mom and I know that i can tell my son that, from the beginning, I would do anything and go thru anything to protect him. That is what I did. And I am proud of it.

• 06-08-2009 12:02 PM

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  shekinah454450 Joined on 07-09-2004 Nor-Cal Posts 2

  Re: shortchanged by nature Reply Contact Isn't C section actually more painful when you count all the time to recover, surgery, healing etc? I don't know cuz I only delivered the way I did but it seems to me that there is really no comparing all of the various ways the baby comes out. Like you said 9 months is 9 months and the baby is in your arms now. Whoever says one way is "better" obviously never had to make the choice :P

• 06-20-2009 8:04 PM

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  flyymammi Joined on 06-21-2009 Posts 1	Re: shortchanged by nature Reply Contact I had a c-sec delivery as well and I recovered before my 6 weeks was up. I had a natural( no meds) 14 hour birth. I was in hardly any after birth/ recovery pain besides a few gas pains. As long as the baby comes out healthy thats all that really matters..neither way is "better".

• 06-22-2009 11:52 AM

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  Mommy Brandt Joined on 02-04-2003 California Posts 2,435

  Re: shortchanged by nature Reply Contact Is a dad any less of a dad because he doesn't go through labor or c-section?  No. With my first I wanted to deliver naturally, trying without medication, but had an open mind if the pain got too bad.  I ended up taking medication and eventually getting an epidural.  After 24 hours of labor (up for two days because labor started at 11:00 p.m.) we realized the cord was wrapped around my DDs shoulders and we started loosing her heartbeat.  Everyone was apologetic about the c-section but I just wanted a healthy baby so it really didn't bother me.  I was also glad to stop shaking from all the drug I had been given to stop the contractions.  Having your arms strapped to a table while your upper body is convulsing is horrible.  I remeber being in tears before DH came in and begging the anesthesiologist to rub my upper back I was so cramped up. With my second I couldn't have a VBAC because they won't do the procedure here.  I do have to say, not having to go through labor was nice.  It was easier to recover without all the medications.  My water broke 3 1/2 weeks before my scheduled c-section and I never went into labor.  The next day I had a healthy baby girl.  The recovery from a c-section is not an easy one.  With my first I counted 14 medications I was given before I was allowed to leave the hospital (the spinal, antiobiotics, pain medications, medication to induce labor, medication to stop labor, it goes on and on).  My body was in shock!  Just getting out of bed to nurse the first couple of weeks is enough to make me still cringe thinking about it.  I couldn't even use a forward carrying baby carrier with my first because my DD would kick the incision.  Having a 3 year old and recovering was even harder.  I don't know about you but I don't know if I'll ever regain the feeling around my incision.  It is still somewhat numb 2 1/2 years later.  The scar will always be there, too.  Is that winning the childbearing lotto?  I think not. I don't think there is any one right way to deliver only the end result of the delivery is important.  You are 100% mom no matter how you deliver - even if your child is delivered for you by adoption!

• 07-17-2009 9:25 AM

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  Kristan2960859 Joined on 11-13-2008 Posts 1

  Re: shortchanged by nature Reply Contact Hi, I too had a C-section in January & gave birth to a very healthy 8lb, 9oz baby boy (my first)! All throughout my pregnancy, my baby was measuring a full month ahead, but there was no mention of a C-section, until I came for my 39wk visit & my dr informed me that my son was laying transverse & probably wouldn't turn because he was too large. I was VERY bummed about it because I've heard people make comments like "you're not a REAL woman until you've delivered vaginally". Although, I always said whenever I decided to have a child, that I wanted an Epiderual because I wanted to feel less pain as humanly possible.......However, once my husband & I talked it over & realized that 'it is what it is', I was fine & scheduled my c-section for the following week...The morning of my delivery, I met with my dr & even explained to her that if somehow my baby had turned into position within a week, I DID NOT want a vaginal delivery! (She couldn't believe it!) My reason was because I know that I really don't have a high tolerance for pain & through prayer & asking God for a 'calm heart', things woud work out fine for me & they did!...My c-section was perfect, my baby was indeed healthy & to top it off, my recovery was GREAT!! I was NEVER in any pain after delivery or since then. I've heard horror stories about C-sections, but I can attest that it isn't bad if you have a very good dr & if your surgery is planned. Those two things are the most important!

• 08-06-2009 10:38 AM

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  cara1022 Joined on 08-06-2009 Posts 1

  Re: shortchanged by nature Reply Contact I really understand what your going through, my first pregnancy was an emergency c-section because of problems in my pregnancy, then my second the doctor tried telling me my son was not dropping so I then again had c-section, then finally my third was a c-section also because of my previous c-sections. I have always had that thought that I've really not given birth because my waer has never broken, I've never felt contractions, and I feel like I've been deprived from waiting an wondering when my baby going to come but now I knw because IO have to schedule my births. The pain afterwards is definitely not a walk in the park but I wonder if we have had it better than getting ripped or tore and sewn back up. You know one other thing thatreally upsets me is I would have really like to have held my babys when they were born instead of looking at them and going to recovery before I can even hold them. I would definitely tell my friends is not the lotto I'm winning it's the first steps to mother hold I feel like I'm losing: being the first to hold my child and being able to get up and walk and tend to my child, you have to recover from the surgery before you feel normal and are able to be a mother. I recently just an eptopic pregnancy so had to hae surgery andshe told me when I went home not to hold heavier than a phonebook and thats not getting cut 6-8 inches thats bearly an inch. Just be strong and know your just as much of a mother as any other ho has carried for 9 months. Congratulations for being a mother its the biggest job ever.

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• 08-27-2009 8:14 AM

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  kt1967 Joined on 07-07-2008 Posts 6

  Re: shortchanged by nature Reply Contact I have absolutely no regrets about my c-section. I gave birth to my son..it just happened to be through an incision. When I made the decision, it was based upon the baby's best interests, not whether or not I would feel like I did not give birth because I did not go through labor. When compared to my 3 knee surgeries, my c-section was not as bad..although they did alter the discharge instructions from nothing heavier tahn 10 pounds to nothing heavier than your baby, since he was almost 11 pounds!