Single Dad to Be is Getting Ball Rolling....

• 07-07-2009 4:40 PM

  John3458536 Joined on 07-07-2009 Posts 8

  Single Dad to Be is Getting Ball Rolling.... Reply Contact Hi all, if you are reading this, then be prepared to really read, should be a long one. 2 years ago I meet this woman (we are both 31 now), and I tell ya...it was great. Now my policy on a first date with someone is I ALWAYS ask, "is there anything about ya I need to know?"....so, I ge the typical "NO". 3 months go by and I get the bomb dropped on me that she is a felon, just got out of Re-hab for pills and that was her felony, prescription fraud. So I back off for a few days to think and decide, well, thats her past and she seems ok. I'm not gonna lie, I struggled with it, but ultimately we had our ups and downs and were better than good. SO, day before mothers day 2009 she goes 3 for 3 on tests, I'm excited...she kinda is. About a week later I com home from work to find that she went through my cabinets and got into some booze...HUGE argument....she storms home..next day she is in ER, won't tell me where and I ultimately miss first ultrasound together. I then confront her mother who does nothing...I then go to her OBGYN and tell him the scoop, I kinda go off on him, we talk and agree to have mommy to be go to re-hab. I drop her off last Tuesday....The following day I Get a phone call from her...she checked herself out after 12 hours of what was to be a 30 day stay!! So we are now up to date.....SO, she switched doctors....WILL NOT lemme know when appointments are....I am basically outta the loop. It kills me to not know....I told her I wanna be a part of EVERY aspect of this with you....I then get texts saying how sneaky and selfish I am. I have contacted a fathers advocacy group and have a meeting with an attorney next week. I just dont understand the backlash for looking out for our baby! Has anyone been through this...if so....how bumpy of a road is it gonna be for primary/equal custody?? Any help is greatly appreciated!!!.....John

• 07-07-2009 8:54 PM

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  Adela Joined on 07-08-2009 Posts 2	Re: Single Dad to Be is Getting Ball Rolling.... Reply Contact I have no advice for you, but I wish you all the luck. Sounds like you are a good man, and that you are already an amazing father :)

• 07-07-2009 10:21 PM

  In reply to

  John3458536 Joined on 07-07-2009 Posts 8

  Re: Single Dad to Be is Getting Ball Rolling.... Reply Contact Thanx Adela, this HAS BEEN THE WORST month of my life...besides the whole Baby issue, my mom spent all last month in hospital with cancer complications! Like everyone in this country My business is struggling, I had to get a second Job to supplement that....was bouncing from hospital to my shop then to the hotel where I work AND spending every Free moment I could with Mommy to be! TO THIS VERY moment I'm still getting texts saying how selfish I am....Humanity has hit a new low!! With everything going on I am damn near broke and am worried I will not have the resources to defend myself against this monster!!! BUT...I am still smiling! As for me being a good man, I have my flaws, but when I heard I was gonna be a dad I grew up real Quick, and then the whole thing with my mother....even more so!!! EVERYTHING happens for a reason...Just puzzled right now as to why all this is being thrown at me at one time!!!!

• 07-08-2009 9:12 AM

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  Shannon1983 Joined on 05-23-2004 NY Posts 1,283	Re: Single Dad to Be is Getting Ball Rolling.... Reply Contact I don't know how much you can do while she's pregnant, but document all the harmful behavior so that if you find she is an unfit mother, you can get full custody. Having the baby may make her wake up/grow up, but not likely. If you have documentation of her issues it will be less work to get full custody.

• 07-08-2009 11:26 AM

  In reply to

  John3458536 Joined on 07-07-2009 Posts 8

  Re: Single Dad to Be is Getting Ball Rolling.... Reply Contact Thanks Shannon...well all I can do is just jot stuff down. I saw the "incident" report that was in her doctors file, so I know thats there..other than that, it is just the texts that I print out daily...today She sends one that told me baby moved for first time.....That was gut wrenching to hear and not be part of....just cruel if ya ask me!! But like I said, in the end everything will work out! Setting myself up with a parenting class and just forging on alone!!!!.....John

• 07-15-2009 11:44 AM

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  Amber1979 Joined on 09-08-2008 Posts 1

  Re: Single Dad to Be is Getting Ball Rolling.... Reply Contact First off...Props to you for taking the initiative to be the advocate for your baby! It is going to be a grueling struggle no doubt but I PROMISE it will all be worth it a few years from now when you are taking your healthy kid to the park or playing ball, etc. You kid will be lucky to have a Father like you. I wish you nothing but the best. From my Husbands past journey through something similar, hang in there. Document EVERYTHING, get a good lawyer and don't give up. Justice will prevail.

• 07-15-2009 2:27 PM

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  ~AmyJ~ Joined on 06-03-2008 OK-Addison 1-26-09 Posts 9

  Re: Single Dad to Be is Getting Ball Rolling.... Reply Contact I agree w/ making sure you document everything. And keep info showing you are taking a parenting class and that you have tried to be there for her while she is prego. I think it is awesome that you want to be there for your baby and please know that you are not being selfish at all. I will pray that God will make a way for you to be the Daddy you want to be and deserve to be. Things sound like they will be hard but hopefully you can be strong and hang in there and hope for the best. Im sure your baby is going to adore you!! Best of luck!!

• 07-16-2009 12:49 PM

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  mommy2kylar Joined on 05-06-2008 Virginia Posts 28

  Re: Single Dad to Be is Getting Ball Rolling.... Reply Contact My husband went through something similar with his ex-wife. She left, and he didn't get to see his little girl until she was 6 weeks old. When his ex-wife started to get erratic, he started documenting everything, and he was able to get full custody of his little girl at 9 months old. Write down dates, times, what took place, where you were at, etc. If you ever go to meet her, consider taking a witness so that it's not your word against hers. Also, for the sake of your baby, make every attempt you can to get mommy-to-be sober and away from anything that could harm that little life growing inside of her. Document that as well - any attempts you make to see to the well-being of your child. It will definitely be a very bumpy road, but there is no greater blessing than being a parent, so every bump will be worth it, I promise you. Praying for you all.

• 07-16-2009 9:22 PM

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  Tinas twins Joined on 09-08-2004 Oregon Posts 2,099

  Re: Single Dad to Be is Getting Ball Rolling.... Reply Contact I agree w/ PP's. Good for you for not backing down and doing everything in your power to advocate a healthy life for YOUR baby!! I have long time experience dealing with addicts. My sister has been one for over 15 years and often runs in cycles. Right now is the worst it's EVER been, she's lost custody of her 2 kids, is homeless and addicted to heroine. She started this "cycle" off just under a year ago. She had just gotten out of rehab for Rx drug addiction and she met a guy in NA/AA that introduced her to heroine. You've know this girl for just over 2 years...don't cling to what you know of her as a sober person. The addict has nothing to do with the sober person you know. The addiction will rule their life and be their primary purpose, even over your baby growing in her belly. Like other said, document EVERYTHING!! Save the text messages, save the voicemails, get information about her past convictions and rehab details, etc. The past is her past, but if she is giving in to her addictions again, it will show her patterns and cycles. All this can only help you and help keep your baby safe. I wish you the best of luck!! I hope you have a healthy baby and you are able to keep him or her safe and healthy. It's probably not going to be an easy road, but your child will look you in your eyes and thank you some day for fighting for him/her and keeping them safe!!!

• 08-26-2009 7:42 AM

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  Arthur3010965 Joined on 08-26-2009 Santa Monica Posts 1

  Re: Single Dad to Be is Getting Ball Rolling.... Reply Contact Wow, that sounds kind of like what Im going through. Except for my baby's mama started to smoke meth while she was pregnant. And that really, (you have no idea) burned my britches. No matter what I tried, (even calling the cops on her) nothing would happen. Except for me being called an ***. Long painful story short, The actions that I chose worked out for me. The evidence I collected to one day take to court got an early break. See Im good at understanding a situation. And I knew that she couldnt handle that awesome responsibilty. And low and behold, she lost my son to DCFS at 11 weeks. Thats got to be a record for stupidity by the way. So now, Im in the legal battle for custody. This is the worst situation in the world. Being a man to me is a job. You have to deal with the burdens that people place upon you. I have to sit in court knowing that my son should be at home with his father, fighting with some child of a woman playing he said she said BS. The judge even called her on some of her BS, But being that it is a legal process, (and men seem to kill their kids once they win custody, *wtf would you do that*) I have to jump through all kinds of hoops to earn custody. It doesnt seem to matter that I have my own place, car, job. And the fact that I showed up to fight for my son, and Im not on the birth certificate. Should be enough to show the judge, attorney's , social workers, nay sayers, and who ever that I am the serious one here. Im sure all of you know the joy of seeing you child. The first time I saw my cild he was in someone elses arms and care, and was already 3 months old. That was a horrible moment, and wonderful. I knew then that he did survive, and is very big and healthy and alert. But I cannot hold what is mine, I couldnt go home with my child. But, this is one of the burdens of being a man. I have to handle what is required of me by court. Handle my emotions, stress, time and normal life. Work and contact this person and that, all without breaking down. This my friends is truly a test in life. I have never fought this hard for anything. I would normally quit if something required over kill amounts of energy. But this drive I feel now. Being a father knowing that I am fighting for my sons life. Has filled my tank with nitro-methane. I have the drive and passion to never give up. I created him out of love. And he was born into, well, crap. Its my duty to save him. And try to make things a best as I can for him. I started my fight in Feb. this year, the judge calls us back in November. (the entire first year of his life almost, spent with the wrong people :''( ) As far as any advice, I will say this. Take a look at your child with nothing in your mind already. Hold him/her and just take in that moment. Then, you should know what you are going to do. Some of us stay and fight. Some cowards take flight. I fought. Arthur

  Filed under: Father fighting for custody

• 08-26-2009 9:36 PM

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  twinsagain Joined on 07-13-2002 Indiana Posts 203	Re: Single Dad to Be is Getting Ball Rolling.... Reply Contact just to add in my 2 cents. I agree with everyone! The one thing I can add is if you know when and where she is going to deliver have a talk with the nurses. In some states they can drug test a baby if the possible of drug are being used. That will be another ball in your favor. ALSO way to go for trying to watch out for your baby.