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Please help with my 11 yr old daughter - thanks

Last post 05-18-2011 4:50 PM by daye101. 11 replies.
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  • 11-16-2010 8:42 AM

    Please help with my 11 yr old daughter - thanks

    Hello everyone.. I need help with my 11 year old.  My daughter has been acting up and it seems like everything we do is not working.  It all started last year when we moved to a different town.  I mean prior to that, she was already acting up, but it has gotten worst since.  When we moved we put her in a new school.  There she was accused of misbehaving and acting inappropriately.. Things got very uncomfortable in the school and we switched her back to her old school, even though we had to take public transportation to take her to the other school and we had to also switch our younger daughter who was in Kindergarten at the time.  Once in the school, she kept doing stupid things to get attention from her classmates that would eventually get her in trouble.  She got suspended, and ultimately, she got switched to another school within the same district towards the end of the school year.  Now she was doing better in this school, but recently some girl said my daughter was spreading some rumors about her, but since the principal couldnt prove anything and also said that all my daughters' teachers think she is well behaved and doubt she would do that, well her records in the other school speak for themselves.  And is sad because she is my child. She is not getting in trouble for this, but I wonder if it is true.  My daughter has two big problems: (1) she lies, just for the sake of it, and (2) she walks around as if she has a miserable live.  Now, she would do things at home and try to blame her other two sisters for it.  And as for her life, the girl has everything we can give her.  We spend time with her, take her places, do one on one things with her.. We do with her the same things we do with her sisters, but she is the only one acting up.  She saw a counselor, but with the counselor she acted as if she had no problems at all.. What can I do?

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  • 11-16-2010 7:06 PM In reply to

    • Shelley1980
    • Not Ranked
    • Joined on 09-01-2003
    • Tri-Cities MI
    • Posts 575

    Re: Please help with my 11 yr old daughter - thanks

    I would sujest another counselor, also a counselor for you and your husband. First you need a counselor you trust, show the counselor her school records, let the counselor confront her with this information and hopefully that will help. Then also for you and your husband help with how to handel this. If not looked at it can become a bad circle child acts up, parents disapline, child acts out because of it, parents dispiline, ect. This can be stressful. hope this helps. email if you need more info.
  • 11-17-2010 8:24 AM In reply to

    Re: Please help with my 11 yr old daughter - thanks

    She has seen more than one counselor, but they all see nothing wrong with her because she acts innocently. 

  • 11-24-2010 8:41 PM In reply to

    • amar27
    • Not Ranked
    • Joined on 11-25-2010
    • Posts 1

    Re: Please help with my 11 yr old daughter - thanks

    SOMETIMES A CHILD ACTS OUT CAUSE THEY HONESTLY DONT KNOW HOW TO EXPRESS A FEELING TO THEIR PARENT AND TRY TO GET THEIR ATTENTION ANY OTHER WAY THEY CAN THINK ABOUT WHEN U WERE A CHILD NOW WE ALL TOLD LIES AND WE HONESTLY DIDN"T ALWAYS WANNA TELL OUR PARENTS HOW WE FELT TRY SLEEP OVERS MAYBE SHE HONESTLY SPEAKING TO A FRIEND ABOUT HER FEELINGS SHES 11 BUT SHES A GIRL SOMETIMES KIDS USE REVERSE PSYCHOLOGY ON ADULTS AND AS A MOM I KNOW YOU FEEL OBLIGATED TO GET TO THE BOTTOM OF THIS SO YOU CAN REALLY UNDERSTAND AND BUILD THAT MOTHER DAUGHTER RELATIONSHIP MAYBE IF U HAVE A SLEEP OVER WITH HER FRIENDS SHES NOT GONNA UNDERSTAND WHY YOUR LETTING HER HAVE THIS IF SHES MISBEHAVING PLAY GAMES WITH THEM MAKE HER FEEL LIKE SHE CAN HAVE A FRIEND IN YOU AND SHE CAN ALSO HAVE A MOM WISH YOU LUCK......
  • 01-13-2011 3:29 PM In reply to

    Re: Please help with my 11 yr old daughter - thanks

    hey she might feel like she can't be herself talk to her find out what she is feeling
  • 01-21-2011 10:21 AM In reply to

    Re: Please help with my 11 yr old daughter - thanks

    I'm not sure what will help, every child is different. My daughter started being dishonest and acting like a martyr around the same age (she is almost 12 now). We sat down and explained the consequence for dishonesty will always be worse than if she's just truthful with us, and followed through with it. We also set aside a hour for "honesty time" where she could say anything and not get in trouble for it. Something that also helped is when she had a problem we sat down and worked to resolve it together with no raised voices and no judgment. She not always 100% honest with us still ( I think thats part of growing up and learning to do things on your own ), but now if she has an issue she can't solve she'll bring it up during "honesty time" and she knows we are here for her no matter what. I would to hear if you find any different solutions that could help us too.
  • 01-22-2011 8:29 PM In reply to

    Re: Please help with my 11 yr old daughter - thanks

    I hate to admit it but I used to be the same way. I can't give you alot of advise but I'll try to give you the best I can. If it was my daughter... 1.Me and her father would sit down and talk to her about her actions. What ever you do don't show anger!!! 2. If that don't work as good as is should give her responsibillities... sorry I'm a bad speller. 3. When I went through that stage I had to go to a anger management.. not that I'm asking you to... but I was acting out because I didn't get the right attemtion from my parents... I just wanted to do other things then what they wanted to. $. I was also suffering from depression and that was a way for me to call out for help. I never wanted to come out and my mother and father about how I was always sad. If none of that works then I'm not really sure what to tell you. That was what I went though around that age.
  • 01-22-2011 8:29 PM In reply to

    Re: Please help with my 11 yr old daughter - thanks

    I hate to admit it but I used to be the same way. I can't give you alot of advise but I'll try to give you the best I can. If it was my daughter... 1.Me and her father would sit down and talk to her about her actions. What ever you do don't show anger!!! 2. If that don't work as good as is should give her responsibillities... sorry I'm a bad speller. 3. When I went through that stage I had to go to a anger management.. not that I'm asking you to... but I was acting out because I didn't get the right attemtion from my parents... I just wanted to do other things then what they wanted to. $. I was also suffering from depression and that was a way for me to call out for help. I never wanted to come out and my mother and father about how I was always sad. If none of that works then I'm not really sure what to tell you. That was what I went though around that age.
  • 01-22-2011 8:30 PM In reply to

    Re: Please help with my 11 yr old daughter - thanks

    I did the same thing for over a year.
  • 03-01-2011 7:06 AM In reply to

    Re: Please help with my 11 yr old daughter - thanks

    Listen to your instincts and pay attention. More often than not, it's not just the aggressor who shows changes in his/her behavior but also the siblings that are affected by the aggression and violence. The bonds you form with your teen aid them in forming healthy relationships. Such interactions teach your child to understand and deal with many diverse people. You can send her to a troubled teens camps.
  • 05-16-2011 1:09 PM In reply to

    Re: Please help with my 11 yr old daughter - thanks

    I went through this with my daughter at 12 yrs old. In the mood she was in there was no way she would talk to me/us. We had moved several times, but always in the same area and same school as her friends - this was important to us. We also spent time with her, took her and sometimes a friend away for weekends in the city - I had never seen such a miserable girl moping around and it makes you so sad and I know how you feel. She had been going to our family doctor since she was 2 and had a good rapoire with her, so I made an appointment with the Dr. I was lucky to have a good doctor at that time. She talked to my daughter for over an hour and put her on an anti depressent. We also attended family councelling for a short time. Between her Dr., and councelling and medication she came around and became much happier and even her friends noticed the difference. I should have recognized the signs of depression because it runs in the family with me, my Mom and her Mom. Fortunately we have meds to help us through depression and I can't say enough about them. It was a very low dose, but along with the drs. she finally came around. She was on them for about 3 years, went off them, then back on about 2 years later - I could see her going straight down again, and she has now learned to be alert to the signs. She's 31 years old now, is and RN, BSc, has a 1 year old and is doing great with no meds. I hope you have a good doctor to help you - she obviously has a big chip on her shoulder. I know its hard, but don't give in to her demands or she'll just work it more.
  • 05-18-2011 4:50 PM In reply to

    • daye101
    • Not Ranked
    • Joined on 03-17-2011
    • Posts 2

    Re: Please help with my 11 yr old daughter - thanks

    I've also had an experience with my daughter as well. What I did is that I've created a video on what she had done with things that really needs attention of. I've tried to know what is happening to her. She was very good on hiding things like actions and emotions to the counselor as well. So I let the counselor see the video and let him be the one to see the video. I was been advice to let my daughter in an all kids boot camp to mingle with different kids and let the counselor want to know what more that she does when mingle with different kids.
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