temper tantrums

• 05-17-2009 6:50 AM

  Carrie31805 Joined on 08-25-2006 Central Missouri Posts 732

  temper tantrums Reply Contact Ok, so Lucy has decided that she wants to start throwing temper tantrums this week. They're pretty awful too. For silly things, like if you put her down on the floor to play and she doesn't want to be there. At first I picked her back up but then realized that I don't want that 3 year old who is doing what she's doing but SOOOO much louder and more obnoxious! So now I just let her lay there and scream, cry, kick, etc. and then when she starts to calm down I pick her up. My question is... 1) am I doing the right thing? I hate watching her scream and shake like that but I don't want her to think that's how she gets her way either 2) About half the time I pick her up when she calms down and she still has bouts of loud crying. Should I comfort her at that point, or put her back down? I mean, can I really expect a 1 year old to completely calm herself down? Or am I feeding into it by comforting her at all? Like I said, the LAST thing I want is that horrible toddler that no one wants to be around (even her own mother) and I'm learning very quickly that my little Lucy is definitely an overly dramatic type who would be there in a second if I let her. Plus I certainly don't need Kellen observing all this and deciding it looks like something he'd like to try since it works for his sister. Can you imagine?! Ugh! Anyway, if anyone has any suggestions I'd surely appreciate them. Thanks!

• 05-17-2009 12:59 PM

  In reply to

  MomOfTwins Joined on 08-03-2007 Michigan - TTC since 9/1/08 Posts 460

  Re: temper tantrums Reply Contact I guess it really depends on what she is screaming about.  Is she screaming because she wants something that she cannot have or that you do not want her to have?  Is she screaming because she wants to be somewhere she does not belong or get into something she is not suppose to.  In this scenario I would tell her "no" and not give it to her, etc. and offer an alternative.  If this did not work, then let her scream, she'll get tired and bored most likely.  If she is upset because you have put her on the floor to play and she just wants to be held, then once again it may depend on is she well, is she teething, are they hungry or tired (I think mine were cranky pretty often when they were teething and I wouldn't really catch on to why they were being needy).  Babies at 1 year old don't know how to communicate well yet and will often cry still when they don't know how to communicate what they want. However, babies are also smart.  Just like when trying to get them to nap or sleep through the night.  If they cry and you come everytime, they learn they just need to cry and you will come so they will continue that behavior.  It works the same way with when they want something.  If they learn that you will pick them up everytime they cry when they want to be held, then they will cry everytime. If you let them have whatever they want or get into whatever they want after throwing a fit, they will continue that behavior.  So definately set limits, even one year olds need them.   Try to distract them with something to do.  They are still at that distractable age.  However, try to stay in tune as best you can with what the real need is, it will make them and you much happier in the end.

• 05-18-2009 5:36 AM

  In reply to

  DRS~Are~The~Best Joined on 09-12-2006 Germantown, MD Posts 1,455

  Re: temper tantrums Reply Contact Rachel is definitely my little drama queen.  We were lucky in that the tantrums didn't start this early (they started about a week before they turned 2, but they are here with a vengence). Cheryl is right -- it really comes down to what is causing the tantrum -- is there really a problem or is she just trying to get her way?  If it's just being used to manipulate you, you really can't afford to give in.  To that end, when Rachel does that we let her scream for a minute or 2 and then start trying to distract her.  We'll play games that she likes, or sing songs, or start reading/telling a story -- anything that will make her forget about being upset.  If there isn't anything wrong, that works quickly.  If there's a real problem that we didn't see or anticipate, it just makes things worse and then we know we need to try to determine the real cause (hopefully it's just a dirty diaper or similar).  This worked for Daniel as well (big brother).  We haven't really had to deal with "temper tantrums" with Simon...... Remember also, that tantrums are a normal phase of development -- they are trying to manipulate their world and they live very much in the moment -- there is no past, there is no future, there is only NOW.  And they want / believe / need to be satisfied immediately.  After all, if they aren't happy/content now, they have NEVER been happy/content -- they NEVER WILL be happy/content!!!!!  Reminding ourselves of that has helped us get through some tantrums. I hope things settle down for you quickly -- I wouldn't worry about having a toddler that noone can stand being around -- all toddlers have moments like that -- and then they have their precious moments too!!!!  We all love them, even if we have moments where we don't like them very much!   Good luck! Ilene ][/url]

• 05-19-2009 6:17 AM

  In reply to

  amy101 Joined on 10-16-2003 Mommy to Stacia, Halle and Denzil IV Posts 3,599

  Re: temper tantrums Reply Contact Oh Carrie, it sounds like you are describing Halle to a T!!!  Halle does this wierd arching her back thing to go with it though.  Its awful!  I just put her down and tell her that doing that is NOT ok in a very stern voice.  I let her throw her fit and then try to redirect her.  Most of the time it works.  I, however, don't pick her up or comfort her in any way when she is doing this.  I don't want to reinforce the behavior and like you said, I don't want her brother to see that what she is doing is working.  Hopefully this is just a phase and will pass quickly.  Well that's what I tell myself to get me through the day.  lol