Confused YOUNG wife.. HELP

• 07-19-2007 10:49 AM

  Melissa~BabyLexi~ Joined on 03-12-2006 Wisconsin Posts 641

  Confused YOUNG wife.. HELP Reply Contact Hey All,   My name is Melissa, I am 21 and have been married 2 years now, and have been with my husband for 4 before that, when we met, we were completely and totally in love with eachother, We have a 8 month old baby girl. My husband will be attending school full time at the end of Aug. and I waitress a few nights a week. Otherwise the plan was to be a stay at home mommy and go to school when both our kids were old enough to be in school. Well... To make a long story short, Shortly after we married, I think I may have became well a little bitchy for some reason. My husband was always there for me the perfect husband most of the time, well recently since our daughter has been born it has been at an all time low for us both. He admitted to me he doesnt love me the way a husband should love his wife. HE would NEVER cheat or anything bad like that. He would never kick us out, But I keep telling him I am going to leave with our daughter in hopes that he will want me back. No such luck I truly believe that is what he wants. I have tried to work it out, But I think ALL his interest is gone. He is a GREAT DAD and really is a good husband. I had it all, but I think I pushed him to far with all my nit picks and crabbiness. I dont want to leave but how can I stay knowing he doesnt care about me. I was sick the last few days and he didnt even ask if I needed a thing. The old him woulda been there by my side no matter what. Is there anyway I can convince him. I guess you could say he me sometimes 2 just arent IN LOVE with eachother. Does this mean we get a divorce or wait a while? I want our daughter to have a good life, Im only a waitress. Do I stay and let everyone stay unhappy or go and STRUGGLE. I dont want to leave but I dont think it will change.  please help

• 07-19-2007 7:01 PM

  In reply to

  Alexandra78 Joined on 12-06-2001 NJ Posts 536

  Re: Confused YOUNG wife.. HELP Reply Contact Even if he was good husband before, now he definatly is NOT if he is not even asking do you need anything while sick... MAybe you can try conceling... sometimes that help if people really want to try to make it work before they make a big decision... Also you know what he loved in you for those 4 years prior marrige- so try to do those NOW- maybe he will realize his LOVING girlfriend/wife is back... talk to him - there must be some explanation (you probably know) to cose you to be "little bitchy"- 1st be honest with yourself- than with him! Good luck!

• 08-20-2007 9:57 PM

  In reply to

  AKmommy05 Joined on 04-18-2005 Now in Florida! Katelyn 7/05 , Michael 6/07 Posts 7,298	Re: Confused YOUNG wife.. HELP Reply Contact I would at least try and work things out. If you have someone who can watch your baby for a couple hours, I would take that advantage and sit on the couch and tell him how you feel about him...GOOD and BAD. Try to get him to open up too. If you two share your true emotions, you will have your answer on whether to stay a while longer or leave.

• 08-26-2007 7:17 PM

  In reply to

  SandraRh Joined on 10-27-2004 Hot Springs, AR Posts 513

  Re: Confused YOUNG wife.. HELP Reply Contact so it sounds like to me that he's pretty great and you have been nit picking him constantly.  That is not good for a relationship and you can hurt someone's spirit doing so.  I know my DH is a nit picker!  And it hurts my feelings.  There is only so much of that you can take before you separate yourself emotionally from the other person.  You need to find out why you are picking at him.  Why you are b*tchy...know what I mean?  When I'm angry or frustrated I unintentionally take it out on those around me...namely my dogs.  I realized that I was yelling at them for no reason and being just mean and rude to them and searched inside myself and realized that I was not mad at them I was mad at my DH.  And so I confronted the issues with DH and I that were bothering me so much.  Having your first child is an emotional time.  There are so many changes that we as mother's have to deal with!  You need to first sit back and think hard about what has you so out of sorts.  Is it the feeling of no freedom to have time to yourself?  too high expectations of what you should be?  Is it some other reason?  could it be post-pardum (sp?) depression?  Really look hard at why you are angry or frustrated and then think of a plan of action to relieve yourself of this problem.  It could as simple as going to a weekly book club or what ever but have a plan of action.  And then sit down and talk to your DH about how you've been feeling and how you know that you have been an a$$ to him and that you are really very sorry because you do love him so very much and you would never wish to treat him so....and then tell him what you think may be bothering you and that to solve this problem what do you want to do and how it will benefit him.  Make sure he knows that you are doing this for the family to be a happy mommy and wife...and an over all happy YOU.  People seem to forget that we mommies are not just mommies or wives we are people and we too need our time.  It is hard being a first time mom.  You should at least try to work things out.  For from what you have said you are pretty much pushing him away.  You need to look at him and think of all the good things about him and discard the negative (acknowledge the negative but discard them).  P.S. The above is in reference to cases with a good man who does not belittle you or is derogetory towards you etc...If there is a case of mental or physical abuse leave now...and name calling can and will escalate.  So please the above is only in reference to a decent husband/father.