The Question of the week about Attachment Parenting

• 03-31-2007 7:00 PM

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  ~DarkMorningValley~ Joined on 09-16-2004 Jency6/30/05&Tesher12/31/08 Posts 1,414

  Re: The Question of the week about Attachment Parenting Reply Contact Again... AP parents may homeschool but homeschooling is not AP. I homeschool not to keep my kids at home, not because I want them to be with me, not because they want to but because I want to give them a firm foundation and make sure they have the necessaties for life and because I don't trust other kids in the schools (the 3rd grader that molested 3 1st graders and no one did anything about it). They homeschool for the wrong reasons.  If I felt public school was the best thing for my kids I'd send them whether they wanted to or not, hence I homeschool because I feel that is the best for my kids whether they like it or not.

• 04-01-2007 7:40 AM

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  mamatorosie Joined on 04-27-2005 Washington Due 07/27/2007 *with a boy!* Posts 840

  Re: The Question of the week about Attachment Parenting Reply Contact these children are going to grow up and be extremely confused about the world. ITs probably a good thing the parents dont send them to school, because I guarantee they would get beat on and picked on if they did.With my children I  do a little bit of AP parenting for an INFANT....my 16 month old toddler and I still co sleep the latter part of the night.(we are slowly working on getting her to a crib all night) But not a six year old. Our job as a parent is to ready our children to be productive members of society. These children wont even be able to hold down jobs.... they wont even know what rules are. Sad.... very sad.

• 04-04-2007 11:27 AM

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  Alexia and Nickolas Joined on 10-08-2006 Alexia 5/3/01 Nickolas 3/13/07 Ocean City, MD Posts 42

  Re: The Question of the week about Attachment Parenting Reply Contact Sara56789: There's extremists in every corner of life.  I personally know a family that puts their four-month-old in a crib in an unfinished basement and allows her to cry all night (sometimes ear plugs are required for mom and dad), yet I do not see that family on youtube, being ridiculed on a board such as this.  Really which is worse ... ?   wow..i think maybe you should cal social services on that family...you know tehm personally? Pklease get that poor 4 month old some help

• 04-04-2007 10:01 PM

  In reply to

  mamatorosie Joined on 04-27-2005 Washington Due 07/27/2007 *with a boy!* Posts 840

  Re: The Question of the week about Attachment Parenting Reply Contact Sara56789: There's extremists in every corner of life.  I personally know a family that puts their four-month-old in a crib in an unfinished basement and allows her to cry all night (sometimes ear plugs are required for mom and dad), yet I do not see that family on youtube, being ridiculed on a board such as this.  Really which is worse ... ? I personally dont know anyone nor have I ever heard of anyone who does that. So there is no way for me to post about someone like that on a "board such as this."  Just because I dont agree with extreme AP parenting does not mean that I condone leaving a 4 month old in a basement all night (which, I could be wrong, but it seems like that is what you are suggesting in your post, that those of us who use more "mainstream" parenting techiniques would condone such a thing).I am saddened by people who mistreat their children just like any other mother out there. I also believe in parents rights, and raising their children how they see fit. Unless there is abuse going on. Leaving a 4 month old in a basement is abuse, and breastfeeding a 3rd grader is, IMO, abuse.

• 05-01-2007 1:20 PM

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  Mommy2be26 Joined on 12-15-2006 Jacksonville, FL Posts 20

  Re: The Question of the week about Attachment Parenting Reply Contact Hi, this is my first time posting at this board in particular.  But I guess I don't see how leaving the 4 month old to cry at night is abuse.  While many people may not have their child in a basement, there are very many who do believe in letting them cry to sleep and believe that eventually, hopefully sooner than later, they will have that certain bedtime in place, crying will be less and less, and the child will sleep through the night.  I myself don't believe in doing that and couldn't emotionally handle it.  But then thinking about them putting the baby in the basement and using ear plugs, that's probably because emotionally they can't handle it either.  But someone somewhere probably told them that this is what you have to do to "train" your baby to sleep through the night.  I wouldn't call it abuse however, crying never harmed any baby and some doctors say crying is good.  Now I don't know how much crying or in what circumstances they mean.  I have just 1 daughter and God has blessed me and my husband incredibly with her.  She hardly ever cries and started sleeping through the night on her own just before she was 3 months old.  I don't know if you would call it AP but I believe she is such a good child because I met her needs from day one.  Now she is secure and happy almost 4 months later and doesn't need me as much.  She plays by herself with her toys and is such a happy child all the time.  I did stop working to take care of her, but it wasn't a huge stretch for me I worked at home to begin with.  I do believe in all the Bible teaches including child rearing.  While I do think this vide is extreme and have a hard time believing that there are many people living like this, I really don't believe in what they are doing and I know the Word does not support AP.  Although I don't know much about AP or who came up with this idea that our children come before anything else in the world.  God created man and woman and said it is finished.  I don't believe that my child is the completion of my family, my family existed with my husband and I well before we ever had my daughter.  We will raise her as a blessed addition to our family, but that God is first, then mommy and daddy.  That also in no way implies that her needs will be neglected.  I don't know where i'm going with this b/c there is just so much more to say so i'll stop my rambalings here.  Sorry to go on so long.

• 05-02-2007 5:57 PM

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  jennieeatworld Joined on 07-11-2006 Posts 2

  Re: The Question of the week about Attachment Parenting Reply Contact oh my goodness, where do you find these people?  with all due respect, dont these women have any dignity?  I think its a little silly, youre not just mothers, YOURE WOMEN!!  Just because you have children doesnt mean that it has to comsume you.  im a working mother and its extremes like this that make employers second-guess us.  My employer was hesitant to hire me in fear that id be out for a week because of a sneeze.

• 06-27-2007 9:53 PM

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  Isabellasaant Joined on 02-09-2006 San Jose Posts 9

  Re: The Question of the week about Attachment Parenting Reply Contact The video is so amazing because they are so extreme in very sense.  I do agree that these children will have some issues when they are grown up, but I certainly hope not.  It is so important to say "no" to your child and have them understand failure- something that the mothers in the video are seemed not to do.  Quite sad.  On the other had I do think being close to your child is very important.  They will forever have a bond that cannot be broken... well, unless, the child grows up and rebells for how her/his parents raised them.  That would be awful! Also, agreeing with the post above, being a working mother does not make you less of a mom!

• 08-21-2007 6:54 PM

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  K.B. Squared Joined on 08-04-2007 Posts 3

  Re: The Question of the week about Attachment Parenting Reply Contact I disagree with even calling these women AP.  They need a definition all of their own.  Dr. Sears describes AP as the Seven "B's".  When looking them over, AP seems much more reasonable and much less PSYCHO than the videos portray it.  Notice the seventh B.  We live in a world of extremists, and honestly, they are really starting to bug me!  I loved the psychiatrist on the videos.  He wasn't anti-AP.  He was anti-extreme.  Again, I am frustrated that these women are even labeled as AP.  It isn't fair to the true, normal APers out there.  Personally, I didn't make the conscious choice to be AP.  I learned about it months after my son was born and realized only then that I fell into all of the "B's" of AP.  I continue to stick to my gut when making parenting decisions, and don't let the AP guidelines make my decisions for me.  I think that it is a misconception that AP parents are sticking to a strict guideline.  Many of us would do this stuff even if it wasn't an official parenting "style."  I stray from the guidelines when I feel necessary.  With that said, the 7 "B's" are: 1.  Birth Bonding 2.  Breast Feeding 3.  Baby Wearing  4.  Bedding CLOSE (key word there) To Baby 5.  Belief In The Language Value Of The Baby's Cry 6.  Beware Of Baby Trainers 7.  Balance  (BALANCE!  Did you get that one?)   Now that doesn't seem so out of line, does it??  Any alternative parenting technique ends up getting lumped under the false definition of AP, but this just isn't the case.  (Examples: home schooling, cloth diapering or NO diapering, staying at home, etc.)  These things aren't bad, per se, just not necessarily a "rule" of AP.  Does that all make sense?

• 08-23-2007 8:16 PM

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  AviaPhoen Joined on 08-24-2007 Posts 1

  Re: The Question of the week about Attachment Parenting Reply Contact Alexia and Nickolas: Sara56789: There's extremists in every corner of life.  I personally know a family that puts their four-month-old in a crib in an unfinished basement and allows her to cry all night (sometimes ear plugs are required for mom and dad), yet I do not see that family on youtube, being ridiculed on a board such as this.  Really which is worse ... ?     wow..i think maybe you should cal social services on that family...you know tehm personally? Pklease get that poor 4 month old some help i agree, i would consider that child abuse, NEGLECT. please talk to these people and get them to STOP. PLEASE CONTACT CHILD/SOCIAL SERVICES.

• 10-02-2007 9:28 PM

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  lalu Joined on 09-16-2005 East Bay, CA Posts 1,657	Re: The Question of the week about Attachment Parenting Reply Contact I thought the worst part was when the dad meekly counted to 2 to get the girls off the table but did nothing then said that parents need to earn respect and the older daughter said, "you are an idiot". wow.

• 01-18-2008 6:13 PM

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  Julie2621979 Joined on 01-19-2008 Posts 1	Re: The Question of the week about Attachment Parenting Reply Contact I am very concerned about the baby. The mom could have PPD. Either way someone needs to intervene for this defenseless baby. Regardless of how your relationship with this couple will be affected, you need to step in on the baby's behalf.

• 02-15-2008 10:22 AM

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  hjurey Joined on 11-14-2007 Illinois Posts 2

  Re: The Question of the week about Attachment Parenting Reply Contact I think it's all disgusting. I totally think that a woman who breast feeds beyond a year is defenitely doing it for herself. She is fulfilling some needs of her own. Our job is to teach our children to respect, and obey. These kids aren't going to be able to function in the world without their parents. We need to teach our kids independence and how to function in society on their own. I think parents who raise their kids like this, don't want their kids to be independent. It's borderline mental abuse!

• 02-15-2008 10:44 AM

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  Fonda Joined on 03-14-2005 Posts 5,538

  Re: The Question of the week about Attachment Parenting Reply Contact hjurey: I think it's all disgusting. I totally think that a woman who breast feeds beyond a year is defenitely doing it for herself. She is fulfilling some needs of her own. Our job is to teach our children to respect, and obey. These kids aren't going to be able to function in the world without their parents. We need to teach our kids independence and how to function in society on their own. I think parents who raise their kids like this, don't want their kids to be independent. It's borderline mental abuse!   I hope you are educated enough to realize that most breastfeeding experts, health authorities and organizations recommend a mother breastfeed at least the first two years of a child's life. I have a 2 year old who is still nursing. He does not nurse nearly as often as his 8 month old sister thankfully. I can assure you, I do not do this for "myself" nor am I fulfilling some need of my own. Frankly, I find the suggestion of that quite offensive. You talk of teaching your children respect, yet look at what you've just said and the judgment you've just made in ignorance. I firmly believe I need to teach my children to function independently in our society and to one day be productive adults. I also do not believe independence can be forced. I believe that my son will wean completely when he is ready. In truth, he is nearly weaned and very close to giving it up already. Independence grows out of meeting children's needs and nurturing them from the day they are born. Nurturing is different from spoiling and indulging, the latter of which I do not engage in. I am secure in knowing that my children's needs have been acknowledged and met. I believe bi products of this American ideal of forced "independence" (early weaning, CIO, self soothing, etc) with our babies to be unsure and insecure adults. We forget that these are brand new people and expect entirely too much from our children too soon. No wonder kids today seem to have so many issues. It is important to teach them to be independent. How one does that is the key and the subject of great debate. Unfortunately, I cannot comment on the video as I've yet to see it. I happened to see the comment regarding breastfeeding and had to respond.

• 02-15-2008 10:54 AM

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  Shannon1983 Joined on 05-23-2004 NY Posts 1,120

  Re: The Question of the week about Attachment Parenting Reply Contact hjurey: I think it's all disgusting. I totally think that a woman who breast feeds beyond a year is defenitely doing it for herself. She is fulfilling some needs of her own. Our job is to teach our children to respect, and obey. These kids aren't going to be able to function in the world without their parents. We need to teach our kids independence and how to function in society on their own. I think parents who raise their kids like this, don't want their kids to be independent. It's borderline mental abuse!   Okay I'll be sure to tell this to my incredibly independent 3 year old that breastfed till he was 22 months. His FF 7 year old brother and FF 5 year old sister are incredibly dependent and still want things done for them, yet I have to make sure I make time in the morning and before appointments for him to try to do things for himself. Your opinion is obviously not based on any kind of observation of BF children.  Oh yes, you're right....I loved having a child over a year old that still nursed through the night. That was definitely for myself. I just love sleep deprivation.

• 02-20-2008 12:14 AM

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  lydia Joined on 09-17-2004 Wasilla, Alaska Posts 353

  Re: The Question of the week about Attachment Parenting Reply Contact hjurey: I think it's all disgusting. I totally think that a woman who breast feeds beyond a year is defenitely doing it for herself. She is fulfilling some needs of her own. Our job is to teach our children to respect, and obey. These kids aren't going to be able to function in the world without their parents. We need to teach our kids independence and how to function in society on their own. I think parents who raise their kids like this, don't want their kids to be independent. It's borderline mental abuse! I have yet to see a three year old as independant and well spoken as my daughter, who I apparently decided to breastfeed for my own benefit until she was 20 months old.  What benefit I got out of it I haven't quite figured out, except she is very independant and the healthiest child I've ever met.  I didn't have any more weight to lose or anything, and it certainly isn't the easy way to go. Why do people get so anti attachment parenting or breastfeeding without knowing anything about it?  I didn't plan on attachment parenting, I'm a college educated woman who was all about how the "experts" said to raise my child.  Then along came my daughter and I ended up with her in a bjorn, and breastfeeding, even co-sleeping god forbid because I could tell what was right for her.  Our marriage is so much stronger than any couple I've ever met so I wouldn't say that our baby has taken over our marriage, but we'd both sacrifice anything for her.  If you aren't prepared to make sacrifices for a baby then you aren't ready for a baby because they take sacrifice. Was my husband thrilled at first... no, after a month, yes because all of a sudden the turn around in our daughter and me was amazing.  To each their own, there are extreme attachment parents and obviously extreme on the other end, follow what some male doctor without kids is telling you to do.