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Update -- not a happy one

Last post 11-11-2009 3:51 AM by New Mommy Oct. 05. 5 replies.
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  • 10-23-2009 12:34 AM

    • New Mommy Oct. 05
    • Top 50 Contributor
    • Joined on 04-06-2005
    • You Won't Understand Until You're Facing It
    • Posts 4,040

    Update -- not a happy one

    This won't be short b/c of me explaining the way we have been treated by "our agency" .... it's been a real heartbreaker.

    First off --- we've been with this agency for 13 months. They knew from the very first time we filled out that application and sent in our application fee how much we made and what type of people we were.

    For 3 months we thought we were in "line" with them waiting to start things but then we received a letter stating they were waiting ANOTHER 3 months until I turned 23. We were peeved, but what to do?

    I was in constant contact with the director of our local branch the whole time we waited ... before and after I turned 23 I was reassured that we were next in line and once someone got placement that would move us up. (I have kept EVERY email I have ever shared with them to back me up on this info)

    In May we asked to go ahead and get the paperwork done since the age circumstances had put extra waiting time on us. And so, we paid them and started what was supposed to be a 3 month journey.

    We started running into all kinds of issues and then they kept forgetting to mention we needed this document and that document ... and now it's been 5 1/2 months and I just get a call a few days ago from our social worker (SW) who tells me she doesn't understand why the director won't release our home study and I need to call her personally.

    Instead, I go up to their office and we have a meeting. THEN all of the sudden there are still MORE things they need for our HS AND they start bringing up how since we are lower income on their scales we may not appeal to their clients and we may not be accepted into their program. We were FURIOUS ... they KNEW how much we made 13 months ago -- we actually had a raise between then and now!!!! WHY on earth would they waste our time and reassure us if this was going to be the case????

    They didn't have answers for us, in fact they "suggested" I go back to college and try to get a degree and possibly a part time job! I was like WTF!!! I told them I went to college to be the director of a child care center and I CAN open my own business but we were having our children first ... especially after paying for IF and Adoption costs. We wouldn't be able to pay a loan for a business and stuff. They had no right to say these things.

    We walked out feeling like white trash. BUT they said the 3 directors of the state would discuss our case and see if we can be accepted. I'm supposed to know something today .... but after we have been treated this way for this long .... we are discussing NOT using them. On top of all this they told us there wasn't a place on the list right now for us --- but get this. In July our SW told us a couple in our region got placement which by their terms meant we were NEXT ... when I brought this up to them they couldn't give me an understandable answer why there wouldn't be a place for us. They said something like oh, they were on the caucasian list AND the biracial and got choose off the biracial --- so I said, ok we're going to BE on the biracial and then they said oh, that list is a mile long. I said you all told me you NEEDED adoptive parents for that list ... and they just stared at me and said nothing!!!

    So, sorry this is long. It's just been a real hard thing to deal with after we put so much time into it. We're not sure what is next for us ....

  • 10-23-2009 1:40 PM In reply to

    Re: Update -- not a happy one

    Oh my goodness!!! I can't believe they would put you through all of that! I just don't understand some people! I will be praying for you and your DH I'm so so sorry they have done this!
  • 10-24-2009 3:36 PM In reply to

    • corajalem
    • Top 10 Contributor
    • Joined on 07-12-2004
    • lost another precious baby.
    • Posts 12,786

    Re: Update -- not a happy one

    Oh my gosh Jessi, I am so sorry. I hate this whole thing. Infertility, adoption run around, finance requirements. It is all not fair!!!! I was looking at adoption but we don't qualify and I don't know when we actually will qualify. I just hate it, hate it, hate it. I wish there was something I can do for you. Well, there is, I will pray. It is the best thing I can do and I am keeping you on my prayer list. God bless.
  • 10-26-2009 3:06 PM In reply to

    • New Mommy Oct. 05
    • Top 50 Contributor
    • Joined on 04-06-2005
    • You Won't Understand Until You're Facing It
    • Posts 4,040

    Re: Update -- not a happy one

    Thank you ladies. Praying is the best fight we have ... and God spoke to me. I felt a powerful need to write our social worker an email and clearly state how we feel and what they have done.

    I do have to say it was the first big time i've taken a stand. And results turned out good.

    I got a VERY long voicemail and an email stating how sorry they were for all we've been through. They said they are sorry for making us feel less of ourselves because we have accomplished so much and sometimes they fall short of providing the best possible services.

    They are going to be reviewing our case with the other directors within the agency and state and see where they went wrong and what they can do to prevent this from happening again. They still aren't sure if we should be apart of their program but they will be letting us know around Nov 3rd I think?

    They WILL be approving our home study. They said we did pay for that and we are a very good family for an adoption. I just have to turn in that I have life insurance and they will be looking through the paperwork they got from Jefferson City on my Dh's arrest to see if they maybe overlooked what they need.

    So, for now, things are ok. I am creating a website about us and we are going to be sending out a letter to all local OB's, WIC's and DAEOC's in our area that provides an email and the website address for those who may be considering adoption.

    It will be a hard decision to make if they say yes .... because after what we've been through we don't know if that will change now --- or maybe they were just scared we'd turn them in to Better Business? I'm not sure. I'll let you all know!

  • 10-31-2009 7:46 PM In reply to

    • ~~Bonnie~~
    • Top 100 Contributor
    • Joined on 09-17-2004
    • Praying For a Healthy Baby
    • Posts 2,882

    Re: Update -- not a happy one

    So sorry to hear that, that is terrible!!  I hope they reconsider and you get placed soon.  Hugs!

  • 11-11-2009 3:51 AM In reply to

    • New Mommy Oct. 05
    • Top 50 Contributor
    • Joined on 04-06-2005
    • You Won't Understand Until You're Facing It
    • Posts 4,040

    Re: Update -- not a happy one

    Thanks.

    I go to my GYN next Tuesday and we are going to discuss trying 1 IUI. It's been a hard decision b/c we will have to use some of our adoption money to pay for it ... and to watch that money dissapear will be hard.

    We found out this past Feb that they do IUI's in our local office ... would have helped to know that a long time ago, but I didn't find this doctor till the beginning of this year.

    Anyways. My DH is going to be starting another vitamin regimen and we probably won't do the IUI till Jan or so. We're going to see what all they say. We are taking ALL the right steps this time around. St. Louis missed my peak time last IUI and I want our money going towards the best possible care this time around. I won't settle for nothing less!!

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