19 and pregnant with number 3, what am I going to do.

• 07-07-2009 8:17 PM

  bluetinkerpixie Joined on 07-29-2006 pinellas park, fl Posts 40

  19 and pregnant with number 3, what am I going to do. Reply Contact I am 19 years old, I just got married on June 6 of this year. Me and my husband have been together for 3 1/2 years. We have 2 children together. Our son, Anthony, is 2 1/2 years old, and our daughter, Ava, is 9 months old. I just found out today that I am pregnant, with our 3rd child. I have mixed emotions about this. Me and my husband have been using condoms since we have gotten married, but one time after we were done, we couldn't find the condom, till the next morning, and it was empty. That was on our honeymoon, but we didnt think too much of it. Our life is hard right now. I am a stay at home mom because I can not find a job. My husband is the only one working and it just seems like there is never enough money. Having 2 kids at such a young age has always bothered me a little bit, but I have learned that its not about me anymore. Me and my husband decided that 2 was enough and we didnt want anymore kids. I still dont want anymore kids, even knowing that I am pregnant. I would not be able to handle 1 newborn on top of 2 toddlers.... Me and my husband have been talking about adoption. I dont have it in my heart to have an abortion, because I know that it is wrong. My sister may be interested in adopting my baby. One day I am so sure this is what I want, but right now I am just overwhelmed. I feel like I have been blessed and cursed at the same time. I feel like I am way too young to even be dealing with this. Must people my age are starting collage, when I haven't even been able to finish school. What I dont get the most, is we were trying so hard to be careful so that this would not happen. I didnt want to be in this situation. I wish that I could wake up in the morning, and find out that this was just a nightmare.

• 07-07-2009 8:51 PM

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  miss.annie Joined on 11-19-2008 Posts 377

  Re: 19 and pregnant with number 3, what am I going to do. Reply Contact I understand you're overwhelmed, I mean one kid at 19 is a handful much less 3. Maybe right now you're just going threw the shock of the situation. Since you said you cant do abortion that means you have 9 months to decided what you would like to do. I was reading this and actually thinking of suggesting a possible adoption by family. My brother let family adopt his son because my brother became a father at 18. At the time, it is what he wanted. Now that he is 27 and has a stable job, married, & has a family he wishes he wouldn't have signed his son over. At the end of the day, he knows it was best though. His son is 9 and they do get to see each other. My brother says somedays its easy but other times its really hard but it all comes with the decision. I'm sorry to hear you're having such a rough time but this is a bump in the road and its not something that will go away but with time i'm sure you'll make the right decision for you. It seems like you have been through a lot already but everything you go through in life will make you stronger once you get threw it.. its just getting threw it is the hardest part. good luck this pregnancy & with your decision.

• 07-09-2009 11:01 AM

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  scarlet_willow Joined on 12-14-2007 James 23 July '08, Henry 26 Oct '09 Posts 29

  Re: 19 and pregnant with number 3, what am I going to do. Reply Contact Hi sweety, I just want to say you will get through this!   And you are so strong for sticking to your guns regarding not considering abortion!  I really admire that.  I would take at least a few weeks to let this news settle and continue to think things over.  You are sort of in shock right now, which is totally understandable.  As the shock wears off that doesn't necessarily mean you will feel differently about adoption, but I think it will just give you more clarity to see every aspect of your situation.  I am 25, but found out I was pregnant when my first son was 7 mo old.  We were also using condoms and didn't use them a couple of times at the very end of my cycle when I was expecting my period.  The chances must have been so slim, but I guess we were just lucky haha  Sometimes these things happen despite our best efforts to prevent them.  I cried non-stop the first day I found out.  I felt so scared.  I was in a different situation though and we did want more kids, just not that soon.  So we were able to turn things around and try to figure out money and all.  After a month I think the shock wore off and after 2 months I actually started to feel excited.  It just takes time.  Not that I'm saying that will happen exactly the same with you.  And don't feel like a bad mom or anything if it doesn't!  Because you definetely are not!  I say take your time in deciding.  It sounds like a good option of having your sister adopt the baby.  But I'd make sure I totally thought about the impact that would have on your children and if you and your husband can deal with having a niece/nephew who is actually your own biologically.  I'm sure it is possible and lots of people do it, but just make sure you know what you are getting into so you can be as prepared as possible for having that baby and then giving him/her to your sister.  Best of luck to you!!!

• 07-11-2009 12:48 PM

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  Janis~BCwannaB Joined on 01-16-2001 Illinois Posts 554

  Re: 19 and pregnant with number 3, what am I going to do. Reply Contact I can realte to your feelings.  I am married, 35, have 2 beautiful children and we found out #3 was with us in April.  I FEAKED OUT!  I cried and cried. I was not prepared to be a mother of 3.  I to am a SAHM and my hubby is the only source of income.  For me to work would be pointless just because of the cost of daycare. DH and I ran every option thru our minds.  But in the end he said, we will make it work.  I truely believe this child has a purpose.  I think sometimes we look at the now and not the future.  Yes it will be overwheling. I am not sure how I am going to do it.  I have a 7 year old and an 18 month old will I have enough time for everyone?  Will I loose my mind?  I did not want to be the mother of 3.  But we will make it work. As far as adoption, I can relate to that.  I am a birth mother. At 20 years old on 7/8/94 I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl that I placed for adoption.  She was a birth control baby.  I took my pill faithfully.  I again thought this child served a purpose, but with me barely able to afford for myself, the father still living at home and going to colleage, we knew we could not be parents at that point in our life.  We chose an open adoption. It is still to this day at the age of 35 the most adult decision I have ever made.  Adoption is not for eveyone. It is a tough choice, but it is an option. In my situation I got to hand pick her parents. I did all this 7 months pregnant.  You have time.  Take that time and weight every option.  Who is to say that in 4 months time Hubby gets and incrediable job offer or a great promotion and you can breath a sigh of relief financialy. In the end another child will be born and that is a blessing.

• 07-20-2009 12:40 PM

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  melonjuice Joined on 07-13-2006 southampton, england Posts 90

  Re: 19 and pregnant with number 3, what am I going to do. Reply Contact i hope you get to read this because i was in a similar situation. I 1st fell pregnant when i was 15 and had an abortion........it's a long sad story but his name was Kai Mitchell Burns, and to me he will always be my 1st son. I had many miscarriages which to be honest was a small blessing on my part because i did everything i could to prevent pregnancy but i am extremely fertile, and i wasn't in the right place to be having children. I met my husband december 21st 2005 and in July 2006 fell pregnant with AVA! I was scared as i was just about to trun 18 and with previous problems with pregnancy and my life style it was a worrying time, but my husband stood by me (in the end). I then fell pregnant with my son November 2007, Zachary, I was just 19. Now i'm pregnant again, i turn 21 in a couple of weeks. Between Ava and Zaccy i've had many miscarriages and with the surviving pregnancies worried about all the things you're worrying about........can i cope, i'm too young, what about me, money, relationship, etc. I would say don't rush into any decisions, you've ruled out abortion so you have ages until you need to make up your mind. Go with the flow, try not to worry and enjoy your children. It's easier said than done but theres nothing you can do yet, so dont panic yourself over what ifs, just chill and the right decision will come over time. I seriously considered an abortion with this baby, and now i'm 16weeks and loving it, it will be hard and there will be days were i won't want to do it, but actually deep down i know i can cope and i love all of my children and that i am a fantastic mother......so if anyone can make it work i can! You're a strong woman for getting this far, give yourself a break, you'll make the right decision in the end. Take care x x x

• 07-21-2009 4:59 AM

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  Annie3472440 Joined on 07-21-2009 Posts 1

  Re: 19 and pregnant with number 3, what am I going to do. Reply Contact I am 23 and pregant with number 3 i was scared when i first found out im not married yet and am gettin married in september of 2010. i understand what ur goin through we to was being so careful i think when u try to becareful is when it happens the most. trust me i also understand bout the mos people ur age is startin college i had friends i went to school with that party all the time and just spend money on thing i would love to like myself but at the end of the day when i tuck my two litle boys into bed thier is no other place i wanna be....sometimes though im so over stressed i cry after i put my boys to bed and wish i could have had them a later time in life...they say god never gives u nothin u cant handle go with ur heart ....

• 07-21-2009 1:29 PM

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  NinaBena Joined on 02-24-2007 Arkansas (Rylee 02/18/09)(Kaitlyn 12/20/09) Posts 95

  Re: 19 and pregnant with number 3, what am I going to do. Reply Contact I AM NOT PREGNANT WITH #3 BUT I AM PREGNANT WITH #2. MY HUSBAND LEFT ME WHEN OUR LITTLE GIRL WAS 10 WEEKS OLD AND A MONTH LATER I FOUND OUT I WAS PREGNANT. I WAS SO SCARED...NOT HAVING MY HUSBAND AND KNOWING THAT I WAS GONNA BE A SINGLE MOMMY OF TWO KIDS SCARED ME SO BAD THAT I THOUGHT ABOUT ADOPTION. I AM 14 WEEKS PREGNANT AND STILL SCARED TO THIS DAY BUT THIS BABY HAS BEEN A BLESSING AND I AM EXCITED TO BE A MOMMY AGAIN EVEN IF THEY ARE ONLY GONNA BE 11 MONTHS APART. MY HUSBAND CAME HOME 2 MONTHS AFTER LEAVING AND EVERYTHING HAS BEEN GREAT. JUST REMEMBER THAT EVERYTHING WILL BE OK AND THAT EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON. BABIES ARE BLESSING NOT MATTER WHEN THEY DECIED TO SHOW UP.

• 07-22-2009 7:26 PM

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  **Kaylee Nimeh** Joined on 07-20-2009 Tulsa, Oklahoma Posts 2	Re: 19 and pregnant with number 3, what am I going to do. Reply Contact Hi, My name is Kaylee... I am 20 and pregnate with my second baby now, I read your blog and I HAD to write you... I am so proud of you and I hope everything works out!!!

• 07-24-2009 2:11 PM

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  KaelaaOwens Joined on 01-30-2008 Ogden, Ut Posts 139

  Re: 19 and pregnant with number 3, what am I going to do. Reply Contact Hello my name is Kayla Im an old soul stuffed into this 19 year old body. I have had three children and now ttc! I had my first a few months after I turned 16 it was a joy. Still a little upsetting that the teen years had to be thrown away but I loved it. Unfortunately I became pregnant again when my daughter was a month old. I was going to have this baby before my daughter hit one! It was hard to handle! I had a piece of crap baby daddy who didnt help with nothing! I was still going to school and had a part time job. I was almost ready to graduate early when I had my son in October of 2006 at the age of 17 (barely 20 days after my birthday). It hit me I had children that were 10 months and 28 days apart. He was the light of my life and somedays I could handle it and others it was too much. I was still working my job as a supervisor though at fast food chain. I was blessed with night shift and no car. So I would walk the 7 miles to get home and arrive about 4 ish. The baby daddy everyday before work would tell me he wasnt babysitting these kids cause I was going off messing around. All in all he was jealous I had a job and everyday I had to fight and fight with him just to have someone to watch my babies. (BTW my mom wasnt too thrilled about 2nd child so she stopped helping me by never wanting to watch my children) We got into some domestic fights that envolved the police. I moved in and out of his house with every apology! Finally I pulled my head out and moved in to my moms again permenately. I was still working things were going great but the thought of my freedom wouldnt get out of my head. No one liked my child except for my father who lived in a different city! My mom would complain about watching him everynight afterwork and they would have me stay in the basement cause he cried too much! I was just completely alone and overwhelmed. So in April of 07 I made up my mind to give this kid something he diserved and that was a new family. I interviewed some people that wanted a closed adoption and to change his name. I just wasnt comfortable and given up on the idea. One day my babies daddy's mom told me her sister in law was interested in taking Jaden. I talked to her on the phone a few times to reassure her that this was something I wanted to do and to my surprise they were heading down in the morning! It was hard to pack his things and know this was the last night I would have with him. In my heart there was relief and so much guilt. I knew the life I had given him so far was nothing compared to what he should have! I signed the papers on May 18th 2007 and said my last goodbyes to my son. It was the last time I saw him in person! He was almost 7 months old at the time. My heart was always leaning towards adoption since he was born but I let stupid people talk me out of my decisions! It would have been less heart wrenching if I hadn't have waited 7 months! I was sad a depressed baby daddy moved to WA and got married and I just lost my son. In my eyes I lost everything. I started staying out late with the wrong crowd and did meth for a night . . . I talked and talked and talked and was able to find out my true feeling about the situation. I loved just being with my daughter she was like my little side kick! In June of 07 I met my future husband at my work. We were both employees and we just hit it off. I knew I didnt want to spend another day without him. He was thrilled about me having a daughter and was willing to support us. He moved into my mothers home in Aug 07 (found out I was pregnant again Aug 22), he asked for my hand in marriage Sept 07, and we were married Feb 29 2008. I had been through some hard stuff and now I was finally able to enjoy the good things in life! I had my son in April 08 at the age of 18! I have the hardest time with giving my son up on his birthday and the day I signed him over. My two favorite months arent so great anymore! I've noticed it gets better as the years go by it just more manageable! But I dont regret it one bit. I think of Sharla (Jadens new mommy) as an angel sent to me. I get to see pictures of him and its unreal that he is mine. Im able to see him when he's old enough to understand the situation and wants to see me. I love him with all my heart and I feel good that he is in a much better situation! So my advice to you is if you want to adopt the child out to do it sooner then later! It truely has its horrible side and good side. You wont be able to see that good side until later on but its there. Everything happens for a reason and that gives me some kind of comfort ! Its also possible to raise three children! Not easy but possible! Good luck to you honey! Oh and make sure the adoptive family is someone you like you'll know when you've found the right ones!

• 07-29-2009 1:23 PM

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  KylaandDravens*mommy* Joined on 10-08-2002 Colorado Posts 49

  Re: 19 and pregnant with number 3, what am I going to do. Reply Contact I have to say, Kaelaa and everyone on here are such awesome women! I am 24, and pregnant with #4 now, just found out yesterday, and we were ttc this time around. My oldest child is turning 7 this yr, and my boys are almost 5 and 2yrs. I had my daughter when I was 17, and my first son at 19, so I know where you are coming from as far as being so young. Heck, I'm 24 and working on a fourth! My daughters dad was perfect at first, then suggested adoption, and I wouldn't have that. I believed that everything happens for a reason, and I believe my daughter saved me. I was on a bad path, no drugs, just bad people, bad decisions, so I opted to let him go if he wanted to, and I'd never hold him responsible for the baby. He didn't want that, so he stuck around, only to cheat on me for over a year while I was at home with our daughter. He cost us our home, and I couldn't do it anymore, so I left him. I was soooo scared. I hadn't been able to finish high school, and here I was 18, with a 1yr old baby to take care of pertty much alone. Her dad is still involved in her live, but he's a deadbeat. I almost wish he wasn't around cuz it would hurt my daughter a lot less to have just lost him for good than to have him lie to her all the time. I met my oldest sons dad right after I left my daughters dad, fll in love with his 2 little boys, and ended up pregnant 2 1/2 weeks into our relationship. My daughter had just turned 1! I had rebounded into this relationship, and I screwed up. I left my sons father after 2 1/2mos and went back to my daughters dad, only to find out he STILL had the other girlfriend!!!! By the time I found this all out, my sons father had a new gf, so I couldn't try with him again. I was alone with a 1yr old and pregnant. I met guy that was wonderful, we were together for over 2yrs, he was there thru most the pregnancy, delivery, all of it. I got my GED, staarted college classes the day after my sons 1st bday, things were great. But he didn't want the responsibility of a family, he just wanted to be with me, and my kids were my responsibility. He didn't even help change diapers. I left him because that was not what I wanted for my kids, I just wanted areal family, a mom, a dad, and the kids. I ended up pregnant again with my youngest son when I was 21, less than a month after leaving my ex, and starting a new birth control. The Nuvaring didn't work for me I guess. Well, my youngest sons father had another girlfriend, and thigns were bad at the apts we all lived, they were being foreclosed and we all had to leave. He moved with the other girl, and thy found out she was pregnant 2 weeks later. My youngest son has a little brother that is only 5 days younger than him! His father stayed with his brothers mom and refused to even talk to me. They split up when our boys were only 3 1/2mos old when she saw pictures on myspace of my son, and realized that our babies looked like twins. She asked him an he confessed, and moved to his moms. He finally saw my son when he was 4mos old, and he moved in with myself and my kids about a month and a half later. I was in love with this man, he had always been great to my kids, and i thought this would be great. I had a job, my own apartment, and my man. Well, turns out things were nothing like I thought. He was horrible! He stayed home with the kids while I worked and he wasn't feeding them properly, my baby stayed in a playpen the whole day while I was gone, and he was lazy and wouldn't clean. Then he got abusive with me. I was stupid and let this go on for way longer than I should have, almost a year. I was bound for things to work. He went to jail and I decided, with him gone and a fresh clear head, that I couldn't do that ever again. He's been gone since october 08. Things got really bad for a while after he left, I lost my job due to no babysitter, and have been struggling hard since. I've thought many times over the last 8mos since losing my job that the best thing I could do for my kids would be to send my oldest two to live with their fathers, and maybe put my youngest up for adoption. I was so scared, I didn't know what was going to happen, and I didn't want my babies to suffer because of me. All this time since my first son was born, his father was in and out of his life, then we lost contact with him completely for almost 2 years. I found him again thru a mutual friend, had them give him our phone number so he could call if he decided he wanted to be a part of our sons life. He called, adn it turns out, my daughters dad was a huge part of the reason that my sons dad wasn't around. He's been trying to treat my oldest son as his since he was born, to convince me that he's a good man and I should take him back, regardless of his cheating. Well, in March of this year, my son said that he wanted to see his father, so we met up, and things went WONDERFULLY!!!!! We have ben together since, he lives with us, and this is his baby I'm carrying now. I fear him leaving us again, but I also think maybe this time, having grown up 5 more years, we will work. We are about to move into a new apartment, he just got his good job back, and things are picking up. I just had an extremely rough time. Being a single young mom is sooo hard, and I almost gave up the most important things in my life due to my fears. I'm so glad that I didn't tho. It would have killed my kids to have lost me, and each other. They are all very close, and my youngest is my outcast, other than my little sister, and my older step sister, and now my bd, nobody really knows my lil boy, and nobody wants to. He's treated so different, but his siblings love him to peices, and I think of how badly I would have hurt my kids if I let my fears get to me. I know this story of mine doesn't put me in your shoes, but it's a story of how things get bad, things get scary, and things fall apart. But I was strong, and I pulled thru, and I'm going to make it! Nobody in my family is going to be too happy to find out I'm expecting again, but it's not their decision.There are online courses and financial aid for college if you can get your GED, there are ways to make it. You are a strong woman, no matter what your age or situation, and I know that you can make it, no matter what decision you make. Just make sure that what ever decision you make, make it yourself, from your heart, and do what you feel is the best thing to do for you and your family. You'll make it, no matter what! Always remember that you are you, this is truer than true, and nobody ever can be youer than you!