First Time Mom :)

• 10-17-2009 12:03 PM

  qpmomma Joined on 07-12-2009 Indiana Posts 354

  First Time Mom :) Reply Contact I am almost 20 weeks. I wanted a homebirth but my husband was so against it that I chose to have the baby in the hospital. But I want to go as natural as possible. I don't want meds, I don't want to use the vacuum or forceps, I don't want the doctor to break my water. I just want to let my body do what it was made to do. I want to be able to get up and walk around to listen to my body and find a position that is most comfortable for me. And most importantly, I don't want to be pressured into anything. 5 years ago I watched my sister have my niece in a hospital. She was so young she didn't ask any questions before labor and the stupid doctor didn't inform her of anything. It was the most horrific thing I have ever seen. I've been in the room while 2 of my cousins gave birth, but when my niece was born I was terrified that that doctor was going to hurt her or my sister more than what she was. As soon as my sister got to the hospital they made her lay in a bed and for 22 hours she never got up. She had an epidural so when it was time for her to push she couldn't feel anything and when she told the doctor that the doctor started to yell at her to push or she would have a C-section. They used the vacuum and forceps because they said she wasn't going fast enough. Finally the doctor had 2 nurses jump on my sister and manually pushed the baby out! I was so freaked out. After doing some research I found out that all of that could have been prevented. And to top it off, my sister wanted to breastfeed. But she let the nurses take the baby to the nursery overnight, and instead of bringing the baby back in the room to nurse they gave her a BOTTLE OF FORMULA!!!!! Knowing she wanted to nurse! I do not want any of this happening to me. I am so worried if I give birth in a hospital they won't listen to me and I won't have any control over or say in anything. My husband says the doctors know what they are doing and we should trust them. But I think my body knows what it's doing and I should trust it. I trust my body to be able to breath, digest food, and pump blood. Giving birth is a natural event, why shouldn't I trust it to give birth?

• 10-17-2009 4:03 PM

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  CrissiLovesDylan Joined on 08-24-2007 Washington Posts 863	Re: First Time Mom :) Reply Contact Amen.

• 10-18-2009 2:53 PM

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  hcjfctc Joined on 01-23-2008 Keira Joy born 10/19/2009~Virginia Beach, VA Posts 58

  Re: First Time Mom :) Reply Contact The best way to have a natural birth in a hospital is to make sure that you research a lot so you know exactly what you want. Then make sure you have a good birth plan written out. Also, look around at all your local hospitals and see what their policies are and ask all the questions you want. Most importantly is to have someone with you that is assertive and will fight for what you want. You are going to be too focused on what your body is doing that you are not going to want to be fighting for it all by yourself. I hope you get the birth that you want!

• 10-18-2009 8:49 PM

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  BoldBeautifulBirth Joined on 11-08-2005 Puget Sound Area, WA Posts 704

  Re: First Time Mom :) Reply Contact Your husband is letting HIS fear dictate what happens to YOUR body. Inform him (give him articles, excepts, books, websites, etc...) of WHY you don't want to birth in a hospital for a low-risk pregnancy, and show him your reasons are VALID. If he refuses to inform himself, I say nix the hospital - he obviously isn't TRULY interested in the well being of you or his child, and will probably on be afterward if something goes wrong (and I'm not saying this to insult your husband - it's just that ANY person, the mother, the father, ANYONE not wanting to research the medical events happening to their, or their partner's, body is not taking her best interest at heart). Blindly following that of a doctor JUST because he has an MD is silly. They are still human and make MANY mistakes - and are run by their employers (the hospital), who's ultimate goal is to stay in business (keep their patients alive *not necessarily happy or healthy, just alive* with a nice, big, fat bill at the end). Make your husband watch the Business of Being Born - a video is an easy introduction for partners that aren't inclined to want to read. I think you should push for your home birth, or at the VERY least, a free-standing birthing center as a "comprimise". A hospital is NO place for a low-risk woman, and a truly and honestly believe that.

• 10-19-2009 8:00 AM

  In reply to

  Dave's Buttercup Joined on 06-20-2008 Victor Colby 1/12/09; Butterbean due 9/19/10 Posts 570

  Re: First Time Mom :) Reply Contact BoldBeautifulBirth: Your husband is letting HIS fear dictate what happens to YOUR body. Inform him (give him articles, excepts, books, websites, etc...) of WHY you don't want to birth in a hospital for a low-risk pregnancy, and show him your reasons are VALID. If he refuses to inform himself, I say nix the hospital - he obviously isn't TRULY interested in the well being of you or his child, and will probably on be afterward if something goes wrong (and I'm not saying this to insult your husband - it's just that ANY person, the mother, the father, ANYONE not wanting to research the medical events happening to their, or their partner's, body is not taking her best interest at heart). Blindly following that of a doctor JUST because he has an MD is silly. They are still human and make MANY mistakes - and are run by their employers (the hospital), who's ultimate goal is to stay in business (keep their patients alive *not necessarily happy or healthy, just alive* with a nice, big, fat bill at the end). Make your husband watch the Business of Being Born - a video is an easy introduction for partners that aren't inclined to want to read. I think you should push for your home birth, or at the VERY least, a free-standing birthing center as a "comprimise". A hospital is NO place for a low-risk woman, and a truly and honestly believe that. I second this.  If you are a healthy mother and your pregnancy is normal, there is no need to birth in a hospital. Your husband's opinion counts, but it shouldn't be 100% influential of your decision, he should be well educated on both hospital births and homebirths.  Birthcenter births are very similar to a homebirth, and will give you a great combination of the emergent care he's looking for and your likings of little to no interventions. You can find a listing of birth centers in your area through this website: http://www.birthcenters.org/ good luck!!

• 10-19-2009 8:52 AM

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  tiffanyg Joined on 10-14-2009 Posts 6

  Re: First Time Mom :) Reply Contact Also, try looking up CNMs (Certified Nurse Midwives) many of them practice in centers where there is an OB, so if any complications arise, you will be able to have a Csection or any emergency procedure if needed, (So your husband can rest assured) but you can feel at ease because CNMs are more likely to take a natural approach and only use emergency interference when there are real complications. I don't have the site handy, but you can find CNMs on a site that is listed in the book "What to expect when you're expecting" under the section about deciding where to have your baby and with whom. I got lucky and my boyfriend is very into doing the natural thing. We're also lucky that we live right down the road from a hospital just in case we decide to go with a homebirth and there is an emergency. good luck!

• 10-19-2009 2:17 PM

  In reply to

  BoldBeautifulBirth Joined on 11-08-2005 Puget Sound Area, WA Posts 704

  Re: First Time Mom :) Reply Contact tiffanyg: Also, try looking up CNMs (Certified Nurse Midwives) many of them practice in centers where there is an OB, so if any complications arise, you will be able to have a Csection or any emergency procedure if needed, (So your husband can rest assured) but you can feel at ease because CNMs are more likely to take a natural approach and only use emergency interference when there are real complications. I don't have the site handy, but you can find CNMs on a site that is listed in the book "What to expect when you're expecting" under the section about deciding where to have your baby and with whom. I got lucky and my boyfriend is very into doing the natural thing. We're also lucky that we live right down the road from a hospital just in case we decide to go with a homebirth and there is an emergency. good luck! Actually, I would avoid CNMs unless you're looking for a provider that will birth with you at a birthing center that could continue as your provider if you needed a hospital transfer. If there wan an emergency situation to where you needed a cessarean, you will be transferred to under an OBs care regardless - and a licensed midwife or certified professional midwife can call in a crash section just as fast as any other baby catcher could. If you plan on birthing out of hospital, ESPECIALLY at home - your BEST bet is a licensed midwife or certifited professional midwife (CPM), unless of course the laws in yoru state dictate that only CNMs can practice. But even then, you have options. The only reason I say your BEST bet is a LM/CPM is that finding good CNMs can be tricky... you have some CNMs that religiously follow the midwifery model of care, and then you have some CNMs that are unlovingly referred to as MEDwives because they tend to follow the medical model of care and act more like OBs than midwives.

• 10-19-2009 4:01 PM

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  qpmomma Joined on 07-12-2009 Indiana Posts 354	Re: First Time Mom :) Reply Contact I REALLY want a homebirth. I just feel like I will be more at ease and more comfortable. Like I told my husband we only live 5 minutes from the hospital. I'll try to slowly bring it up with him again. If I do go with a hospital birth I will have my mom there and I know she will fight for me.

• 10-21-2009 3:42 PM

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  ButterflyStacie Joined on 06-07-2006 Eva Jean born 8/21/07, Arizona Posts 895

  Re: First Time Mom :) Reply Contact  Hi there. I was just passing through and saw your post. I felt like you did when I was pregnant two years ago, but we decided to go the hospital route since it was our first baby. One thing I highly, highly recommend is finding a Doula (birth coach). I wanted to go natural as well and having a Doula there helped me to do that. We also made it very clear to the nurses that I did not want any drugs or interventions, and they pretty much left me alone. I also recommend the movie that was recommended above - it's very informative! I just watched it this week because I would like to do a homebirth with my next one. Good luck and you can have the experience that you want - you just have to be VERY clear about that once you get to the hospital. My doctor was with me on my birth plan but he was not there when I delivered -- it's a much different environment at the hospital and they are trained to do births the medical way. Also - bringing a birth ball with you can really help (an exercise ball). Those are great to help you through labor.

• 12-13-2009 3:34 PM

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  hcjfctc Joined on 01-23-2008 Keira Joy born 10/19/2009~Virginia Beach, VA Posts 58	Re: First Time Mom :) Reply Contact I just saw this. You posted on the day my daughter was born at home. :P I'll be praying your DH is ok with it. It was the greatest experience of my life and I'm sure it wouldn't have been as wonderful at the hospital.