Confused, scared, angry...

• 08-18-2008 5:54 PM

  stephanie3013851 Joined on 08-19-2008 Boston, MA area Posts 3

  Confused, scared, angry... Reply Contact I'm 29 and I found out I was pregnant less than a week ago, I'm 5 weeks, I've been an emotional rollercoaster since then. I love my boyfriend, he's wonderful and I know he loves me...we got back together after almost 9 months apart. 2 weeks prior to us getting back together he was with someone else...she's pregnant and due (with his son) in October/November. I've been searching and finding strength to support him and be there for him, he's doing the right thing and wants to be in his son's life. I've dreamt of being a mom, but I'm not excited...I'm beyond scared and angry even. I don't know what to do, keep our child or have an abortion. I cry at the thought of having an abortion but I don't want a child being raised without a father (I grew up without a father and always said I never wanted that for my children), I don't know if we will make it. If I have the abortion I know I won't be able to support my boyfriend when his son is born, I feel broken just thinking about it. If I keep the child my family won't be happy about it (they know he is expecting a child with someone else) and it bothers me that my child will be 5 months younger than his first. He's not financially stable right now, I'm the one with the reliable, good job...he's filing bankrupcy in the fall...so I feel as though when it comes down to it he won't be able to "support" us? He wants to have the baby but also tells me how scared he is of losing me, I can't help but wonder if he wants this child as a guarantee that I won't leave him...which isn't healthy? Help....

• 08-26-2008 8:33 AM

  In reply to

  Melanie05 Joined on 11-30-2004 Posts 6

  Re: Confused, scared, angry... Reply Contact I'm in a mildy similar position.  The father wants me to keep the baby, but he's very poor right now. I guess that goes to show that you can't judge a man by his bank account.  My daughter's father is very well-educated and makes excellent money, but he spends MAYBE 5 hours/week with her, and only because his mother loves her so much and he goes to visit our daughter when she goes to see his mother, which is once per week.  This child's father is a very poor man, but he adores children and wants me to keep this one.  He's very much against abortion, but accepts that it's ultimately my decision.  We're not a couple, yet, but we were working towards that when I got pregnant.  I haven't decided if I'm going to abort or not yet either.  This is so messed up.  This wasn't the fantasy.  I was NEVER supposed to be a baby-mama to begin with, and if I keep this baby then I'll be a baby-mama to two kids by two different men, neither of whom I'm guaranteed to marry, which means that I'll end up marry someone else (if a man will even want me with two kids by two different men) and have a kid(s) with him, which means 3 baby-daddies!  Talk about a stereotype rearing its ugly head.  I'm so embarassed about this. You and I are in very similar boats.  I'm 5 weeks along too.  I'm also 28 years old and my family will be TICKED once/if they find out.  I haven't told any family yet.  When I got pregnant with my first they badgered me everyday into having an abortion until the end of my first trimester, and after that my father didn't even tell anyone about my child, even to his best friends who were like second fathers to me. If you ever want to talk or anything you can PM me.  We can support each other.

• 10-11-2008 4:49 PM

  In reply to

  BloomingBarbie Joined on 10-11-2008 Posts 24

  Re: Confused, scared, angry... Reply Contact Ladies Think it over good before you make any life changing decisions. Our babies are gifts from God. I'm also in a similar or maybe worse situation, My partner left me a month after we found out I was pregnant and says its not his baby...I'm heart broken, devastated and everything else you can possibly think of, but as much as I cry and hurt every time I feel my baby move i am reminded of how blessed I've been, and No man is worth our babies lives...I am a stay at home mom of 3 children, alone now and with one on the way but you know what I'll make it somehow...Your family may be upset at first but they will be in love with your baby in just a few weeks trust me. I am 36 and I never thought I would find myself in this situation at this time of my life. But we are women, strong women we can do it. Men come and go but our children will be there for ever that is really til death do us part...Being a mother is the greatest gift God has to offer us...I wish you the best in what ever choice you make...If you choose to have your child your reward will be great when you have him or her in your arms. take care...Barbie

• 10-13-2008 3:08 PM

  In reply to

  kibaie Joined on 08-05-2008 Ontario, Canada Posts 10

  Re: Confused, scared, angry... Reply Contact Hello Ladies, I'm sorry to hear about your situations. Making a decision like that under any circumstance is definately not an easy one, believe me I know. As hard as it is to make, it is ultimately up to you though. Nevermind what everyone else thinks, it's how you feel about it. Whatever you decide, make sure you look at all the options and their resulting consequences, and no matter what you choose I wish you the best of luck. I was 19 my first pregnacy. We both could only get part time hours (at our full time jobs) at the time. We lived in a one bedroom apartment with a filthy room mate (we slept in the divided livingroom). I was on the pill at the time I got pregnant and to be completely honest I was not ready to be a mom yet. John wanted very much for me to keep it, unfortunately I disagreed. I entertained the idea of adoption but the pregnancy itself was very hard on me physically. I decided to abort. Even though he was dead set against it, he supported me through the entire process. It was the hardest decision I have EVER had to make and one I hope I never have to go through again. But I think back to all we've gone through, and I still to this day feel I made the right choice, not just for myself but for the child too. I still get sad once in a while about it, but i've never regreted the dicision i've made. I hope all goes well no matter what you choose. Malissa

• 10-15-2008 12:59 PM

  In reply to

  Jessica3084278 Joined on 10-15-2008 Posts 1	Re: Confused, scared, angry... Reply Contact Well i wish you good luck but if you van try to keep the baby