My way of healing

• 01-13-2009 11:20 PM

  hopeful_jen Joined on 11-16-2006 Posts 286

  My way of healing Reply Contact  I just wanted to share an experience that felt very healing to me.  I had 2 c sections, and I've been working hard to make peace with it in my heart and mind.  I don't think that anything can ever take away my longing for giving birth the way I dreamed of, but my boys and I had this little experience that filled my heart with some healing feelings. My oldest DS (3  1/2) was looking at pictures of his birth (c-section) and of the pregnancy.  He was amazed at how he was in my tummy.  He then looked at me and said "I go in your tummy now!" I think perhaps he needed the experience too.  Anyway, he crawled up under my shirt and snuggled there for a long time.  I patted his back, hummed lullabies, and rocked while he was tucked up under my shirt.  Then he said, "I come out now? Out of your tummy?" As he came squirming out from under my shirt, I envisioned giving birth to him the way I had wanted to.  I imagined him slipping out of me, all goopy, under our own power, not being yanked out under cold bright lights.  I pulled him up on my chest, just like I had wanted to 3  1/2 years ago.  I held him and said the things I wanted to say at his birth.  "I am so happy to see you! I love you so much!" etc etc.   He seemed so happy.  For me, under the power of my imagination, it felt real.  It felt like a little piece of the big hole in my heart had been patched.  Here he was "in my tummy": Baby was jealous and wanted to snuggle too:   I don't care that my shirt will now fit a small whale, it was worth it!!

• 01-14-2009 1:46 PM

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  Xavier'sMommyLV Joined on 10-11-2008 Las Vegas Posts 515

  Re: My way of healing Reply Contact Isn't it amazing how children just know when we are hurting? What an amazing experience, and that your son ititiated it spontaneously is all the more awesome. I am so moved by your post, I am actually in tears here in my cubicle at work. That might be the hormones talking, but I am so glad you were able to find some level of healing with your boys, who are BEAUTIFUL btw. Thank you for sharing this.

• 01-28-2009 4:29 PM

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  kreature22 Joined on 11-20-2008 Posts 8

  Re: My way of healing Reply Contact Jen, that was really sweet. i too have struggled with coming to terms with my c-section. i can't watch tlc birth stories where the woman actually vaginally has the baby without wishing i had been able to have the whole baby on my chest experience too. but my son is happier than a clam and healthy as a horse and i am fine as well. looks like you have two great kids as well! thanks for sharing your story. kristen

• 02-27-2009 6:58 PM

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  shooshsmom Joined on 10-27-2008 Posts 173

  Re: My way of healing Reply Contact How sweet. I can just imagine and it would really feel "right" I think. My son is now 6, and having him experience his little sister in my tummy has been so wonderful. He talks about how he came out, and he was so concerned one day and wanted to know if it would really hurt if I didn't get a big "flu shot" first! :) There are just things our children say or do that just make things right and make you feel so blessed!

• 03-06-2009 4:07 PM

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  lncooper Joined on 10-09-2004 Geneva, NY Posts 1,682	Re: My way of healing Reply Contact Jen, this is a beautiful way to find some peace & healing. Thank you for sharing something so sweet & special with us. ((((BIG HUGS))))

• 03-11-2009 8:55 PM

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  Selena2769896 Joined on 03-12-2009 Posts 1

  Re: My way of healing Reply Contact I completely understand your feelings...12 wks ago I had an unplanned c-section. I was 5 days past my due date and we decided to induce. After 13 hours of labor I made it to 9 cm and remained at that for 31/2 hrs when my dr said we need to do a c-section. I was wisked away and 30 mins. later my baby boy was born. I was devastated as I had not wanted surgery! My baby was very healthy and I had no complications but emotionally I have had a tough time coping. I feel that I missed out on the experience of getting to hold and touch my baby right after his birth but instead it was a few hours later in the recovery room. I don't have a clear memory of it because of all the pain meds. Thank so much for your post...it is nice to know there is someone else out there with the same feelings and I am not the only one!

  Filed under: c-section

• 03-28-2009 7:04 PM

  In reply to

  lncooper Joined on 10-09-2004 Geneva, NY Posts 1,682	Re: My way of healing Reply Contact ((((BIG HUGS)))) to you too, Selena. Are you familiar with ICAN? www.ican-online.org There are many, many women who feel exactly the way you do about their cesareans. You are not alone.

• 05-14-2009 2:42 PM

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  chelly07.21.08 Joined on 02-02-2006 Kanata, (ottawa) ON Posts 1,186

  Re: My way of healing Reply Contact its mean to say .. but im glad other people feel the way i do.. i HATE that i couldnt have my son naturally.. i tried.. i pushed for 2 hours.. and he jsut wasnt coming out.. i feel like i was robbed of it.. even though i did try .. im pregannt again now and have been scheduled for another c/s july 15th.. i was given the choice to try vbac.. but i dont think i want to try and have it not happen again .. but i hate it.. and if i could be sure nothing would happen to my baby.. i would try naturally.. but the risks scare me..

• 05-14-2009 11:48 PM

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  havingmysoulmatesbaby Joined on 10-28-2007 Montana Posts 74	Re: My way of healing Reply Contact You have brought tears to my eyes. What a moving experience.... God working through your little one. So very sweet! :')

• 06-10-2009 7:30 PM

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  *Christa* Joined on 09-06-2005 Posts 439

  Re: My way of healing Reply Contact I too have tears running down my face.  I second what was previously said.  for all of you feeling this way......ICAN has really helped me work through alot of the pain & understanding my c/s.  It has helped me more than I could ever tell anyone.  It doesn't make me long for a vb that I'll never get, but it makes it easier & it's nice to talk to other mamas that understand what your going through.