Husband wants out...

• 08-07-2008 10:50 AM

  NewMommyFeb09 Joined on 06-18-2008 Posts 18

  Husband wants out... Reply Contact We've been happily married for 2 and 1/2 years, and when I say happily, I mean it. We were always the couple that everyone envied. My husband was the nicest, most loving husband you could ask for. He always talked about us getting pregnant and what he would do for me when I was pregnant. We tried to get pregnant for a year, went to the doctor, tracked my ovulation, took pills for ovulation, he got tested, I got tested, went to the doctor, the doctor told us down to the hour when we would concieve, we did it, and it happened. I couldn't be happier, but everything changed. He changed and decided that he didn't want to be married any longer. He said that he was unhappy for a year and didn't want to be married any longer. He never showed that he was unhappy and never told me he was having second thoughts about getting pregnant. He tried to make me get an abortion for the first 8 weeks of pregnancy. He told me he didn't think we would ever get pregnant and that's why he kept trying. and he was trying to get pregnant for me. But if he didn't love me, then why would he try to get me pregnant because he knew that's what I wanted. I thought we both wanted, he made me believe that he wanted it just as much as I did. I then found out that he had an affair with someone 12 years his minor. He said it wasn't so much her, but he wanted to go out and date and he wanted his freedom. Why wouldn't he tell me this before I got pregnant and why would he do this to me while I was pregnant??? He is now sleeping in a separate room and has taken all of our wedding pictures off the wall. What the heck do I do? He promised me the world and then just when I thought I had it all, he took it all away from me. I could not be happier that I'm pregnant and this baby will be loved beyond. But I went from knowing I would be taken care of and that we would raise this baby in our wonderful, loving home to being a single divorced mother. I am now 11 weeks pregnant and saw the baby move yesterday at the doctor's office. It was amazing and wonderful. I just wish I knew what was going on in his head and how he could go from being one person to a totally different person so quickly. I've been talking to him and trying to understand and he told me he was done.

• 08-07-2008 1:51 PM

  In reply to

  Kelley420 Joined on 02-02-2006 Dallas, Ga Posts 1,653

  Re: Husband wants out... Reply Contact i saw your post on the main community page...just wanted to respond. I'm very sorry that you're dealing with this at all, let alone while you're pregnant. Maybe he's just scared? This is a huge life changing thing, men look at pregnancy so much differently than we do. Is he willing to go to marriage counseling? I agree with you though on wondering why he didn't tell you this before...especially if he says he was so unhappy before. But, you can still give this baby a wonderful loving home, even by yourself if that's how it turns out. I will pray that it doesn't and that he comes around. Just sounds like he did a 180 on you, it's not fair, you deserve the truth. I wish you the best. (((HUGS)))

• 08-07-2008 2:01 PM

  In reply to

  NewMommyFeb09 Joined on 06-18-2008 Posts 18	Re: Husband wants out... Reply Contact Thank you so much for you response. He told me he didn't want to go to Marriage Counseling because he does not want to be married so there's no reason. I thought it was just him being scared, but it's so much more. He totally turned around and turned into a different person. I don't know this person. He told me he needed out, he wanted out, and that was it.

• 08-07-2008 2:41 PM

  In reply to

  AmyAlden22 Joined on 08-18-2005 Posts 158

  Re: Husband wants out... Reply Contact Wow. I can't imagine a more awful situation. What an ass. I really don't know what to say except that I wish we were speaking in person (and maybe not pregnant so we could have a few cocktails) and talk about how much we hate him. I truly am astounded by his thoughtlessness where your child is concerned. You had no reason to believe you would not get pregnant, and it is ultra irresponsible (to say the least) to continue to try with out the knowledge that he was committed to the idea of marriage and the whole nine yards. Nothing more to do now, except do your best to pick up the pieces and create the most loving home possible for that baby. F him. Excuse my implied language. :) Hugs.

• 08-07-2008 3:08 PM

  In reply to

  Shannon1983 Joined on 05-23-2004 NY Posts 447

  Re: Husband wants out... Reply Contact  My husband pulled something similar a few months before he deployed to Iraq. I was not pregnant at the time, we "only" had our 3 kids. We also had a marriage most people envied. I know there was another girl involved, but he swears up and down nothing physical happened. It's a moot point now I guess. My best advice is, move on without him. The minute it seemed like I was no longer invested in the relationship, my husband started changing his mind. This is of course if you want him back. Even if it doesn't work out, YOU took control of the situation and it could make you feel ten times better. If it is in any way possible, try to get your own place. Right now he seems to be holding the power and that won't help. I'm sorry you're having to go through this. It's never easy, but to go through it while pregnant is especially horrible.

• 08-20-2008 3:11 PM

  In reply to

  Tiffany2989219 Joined on 08-09-2008 New Jersey Posts 1

  Re: Husband wants out... Reply Contact Im really sorry this is happening to u right now. im actually in a similar situation, my bf dumped me after 4 months... guys have great timing right? Now im on my 20th week, 21 years old and living on my own. Its going to be hard emotionally but just try to be strong you have a beautful baby on the way thats going to love you more than anything in the world. Congradulations on your new baby... everything will turn out ok ((hugs!))

• 09-02-2008 7:46 AM

  In reply to

  NewMommyFeb09 Joined on 06-18-2008 Posts 18

  Re: Husband wants out... Reply Contact thanks for your response. It sounds like we're in similar situations. Right now, he's gone and dating other people, telling them that he's single. No mention of our baby. He's moved on like he broke up with a girlfriend. I'm trying to stay positive and focus on this beautiful life that is growing inside of me, but some days are really hard. For the most part, things are ALOT better than they were a month ago. I have more good days than bad. I know that I'll be all right and I'm going to have a healthy beautiful baby!

• 09-02-2008 8:22 AM

  In reply to

  zetacpa Joined on 07-18-2008 Philadelphia, PA Posts 68

  Re: Husband wants out... Reply Contact You did not mention whether you worked or not. This is my personal story: My hubby and I got married and conceived on our 1st year anniversary. he started staying out late or not coming home at all. he finally said to me that he found someone else and he wanted out. I had a college degree but had started working part-time and eventually planned to stop working when our son came. Our divorce was final 2 days before my son was born, the stress of the situation caused me to go into premature labor. he didn't show up or call. His new girlfriend sent me a basket. WTF? Anyway, long story short, it was easier to get over him, women don't have time for fools but in the divorce I got child support and temporary alimony to get me through until I was able to go back to work full time, he also signed over his paternity rights so that I could make all decisions without having to consult him. He promised to keep in touch and see his son...never happened. My boy is now 16, getting ready for senior year of high school on the honor roll and I'm remarried to a wonderful man who loves my son as well as the two boys we have together. Who knows what his deadbeat daddy is up to....who cares! I say all of this to say: Don't let your love and memories for this man make you soft. He wants out...YOU go file for the divorce to give you and your baby some closure. Don't let him dangle the hope of eventually getting back together in front of you. He has disrespected you in the worst way. You give him a choice to be active in the baby's life or stay the heck away....permenantly. Then you should lean on your family and friends for support and begin to pick up the pieces. I hate to be so 'rough' but right now your focus is you and your baby and let him be a loser two times for losing you and a beautiful baby.

• 09-02-2008 9:49 AM

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  jmysticm Joined on 09-02-2008 Posts 5

  Re: Husband wants out... Reply Contact Hi, I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone. I was with my BF for 3 years and for the last 2 we tried to get pregnant. It wasn't working and our relationship turned bad, REAL BAD. I drew the line when he showed up to pick me up from work with another woman in my car, then brought her back to my house with us. i made him leave and take his trash with him. While he was gone I rented a U-Haul truck and packed up my entire house. I left his clothing and belongings in plastic trash bags on the porch and called my landlord who showed up immediately to change the locks. I did not want to leave him and I was madly in love with him. The entiore time I was packing I cried and thought of every excuse for him and why I shouldn't leave. 10 days later, I was staying at a friends house very close to our old apartment and I found out I was pregnant. I told him about it and he was happy. We tried to work it out between two adults. He had moved on and I was attempting to do the same. However he did not like that very much. He beagn stalking me and became extremely abusive. I knew that I had to do something or my child would be in danger. I pakced up my stuff and drove to another state to stay with a good friend. I am now back in my home state and my daughter is 8 1/2 months old. She is happy and beautiful and he doesn't not know where we are or even what she looks like. i guess I am telling you this because I was so in love with someone that didn't love me back and at 12 weeks pregnant with this baby that we so wanted I left the state to escape from this man I intended on spending the rest of my life with. I had to make the decision based on the fact that I was responsible for another life and the outcome of this childs well being and had I stayed I would have let him control me in my every move. As much as it hurt and as much as I didn't want to leave I wanted a better, stable, loving environment for my child MORE. They say, out of sight, out of mind. It's true. I acknowledge that my daughter has a father and when she gets older I will tell her the truth about her father and when she turns 18 if she wants to meet him I will help her locate him. But to ensure the safety and the happiness of my daughter he will not be a part of our lives. i do not know how I overcame it all. I was alone, broke (he took everything from me), pregnant, homeless and some how, by the grace of god I made it and I have never been happier. The only advice I can give you is to be strong. Hold your head high and get out of the situation. Give him a divorce if that is what he wants. Get him out of your house or if he wont go then you go. You have to create a positive environment for your child. Everything gets easier with time. Surround yourself with people you know love you for real. Your family and friends. Stay active and it will all come together. Good luck.

• 09-02-2008 12:27 PM

  In reply to

  NewMommyFeb09 Joined on 06-18-2008 Posts 18

  Re: Husband wants out... Reply Contact I am working full time. I didn't depend on him finacially, which is good. He has now moved out and moved on. He is telling people that he is single (which he is not, we are still married because we can't divorce in Texas until after the birth.) He is telling everyone that he and I were having trouble for the last year and we both decided to split. (which is a total lie). No mention of our baby. He's dating and has moved on. He acts like he broke up with a girlfriend. We worked out an agreement that he would give me half the mortgage every month until the baby is born. So far, he's made one payment. We'll see if he keeps up his end of the deal. If not, then I will have to file for divorce so he is ordered to pay me spousal support until the baby is born and then the child support sets in, at least that's the way I understand it. I'm struggling emotionally because he is out there moving on and I'm here in the reality of being 15 weeks pregnant- I get mad because he took the joy out of my first trimester. But I am blessed with this baby and with loving friends and family, so things are easier than they were a month ago, but it's still very, very hard.

• 09-03-2008 9:48 AM

  In reply to

  jonig1280 Joined on 08-31-2008 Florida Keys Posts 24

  Re: Husband wants out... Reply Contact I am absolutely amazed as I read to hear how many woman are in this situation. It makes me feel a little better not to be alone, but sad for everyone else that is going through this. What is wrong with these men? My BF of one year and I found out I was pregnant one week ago. For the first couple days he was shocked and scared, but was going to "man up" and stand by me and help me. He said we would do this together. We had a great relationship and this pregnancy was a complete surprise and unplanned. I knew that he would not be happy per say, but the last thing I expected him to do is run away. We were not married, but I felt like he would be the person I was going to spend the rest of my life with. We both work for the Sheriff's dept. down here and I have to see hear him on the radio and that definitely doesn't make things any easier!! It was after he spoke with his family that he suddenly changed his tune and decided to leave me and tell me he wanted me to have an abortion. I was flabbergasted. I feel like here is this person that I talked to everyday for the last year and a half (including our friendship before officially becoming a couple) and now he ignores me like he could care less. I feel absolutely empty inside and betrayed by him and his family.

• 09-03-2008 10:28 AM

  In reply to

  jmysticm Joined on 09-02-2008 Posts 5

  Re: Husband wants out... Reply Contact You know, at first I struggled with the whole situation. I kept telling myself over and over again that it wasnt supposed to be like this we were supposed to be a family....Now, that my daughter is 8 1/2 months old and I have been doing it all alone, no child support no nothing I am glad it is the way it is. I see all of my other friends and family members with children and their fathers in their life and all they do is fight because one parent doesnt agree with how the other one is diciplining them or because one over rides the others decisions or even because of the name of the child and I thank god everyday that I do not have that second opinion on how to raise my child. Face it husbands and wives/girlfriends and boyfriends/mothers and fathers are two different people raised two different ways, with two different opinions. I wouldn't know what it is like to raise a child with someone but in my opinion it is so much easier to do it alone. There is no one to undermind you. I think that we should all take it for what its worth and run with it. Make the best of it. And most of all, remember, everything happens for a reason, God don't throw nothing at us or put anything in our lives that we cannot handle. I believe that us single mothers were selected to be single mothers because we all have the ability to be.

• 09-03-2008 10:55 AM

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  Kimberly2670453 Joined on 02-21-2008 Wisconsin Posts 1,011

  Re: Husband wants out... Reply Contact  I was reading this post, and I thought maybe you ladies might enjoy a little single mother humor.... I was a single mother of 2 DD's.  When they were, I don't remember, about 3 1/2 and maybe not quite six months, the baby and I both got really sick (flu type stuff).  I put the baby down for a nap, put in a movie for the 3 year old, and went to lie down myself.  I told my 3 yr old, normally a VERY good listener, that when the movie was over, she was to come lie down with me.  About 15 minutes later, the baby starts crying.  So I get up to go check on her. Her big sister had crawled into the crib with all of her markers, and colored her baby sister!  I was so mad, but it was so funny at the same time.  My poor sick baby all colored like a rainbow, my bored 3 year old not sure exactly what she did wrong!  Needless to say, I called my Ex to take her for a couple hours so I could get some rest after that!!  There are definitely times when it is hard to be a single mom, but you always find that one more ounce of strength to do what you need to do for your kids.  I am now remarried to a wonderful man who is the best I could have asked for in a father.  Yesterday was my little one's first day of kindergarten.  My ex came to Wisconsin from Vermont just to walk her to school and take her out to dinner.  When I picked her up from school and told her the plan, she squeezed my hand, and looked up at me with her "sad eyes" and said "But I want to be with my family."  It doesn't take the kids too long to figure out who is worth having around.   Those words will stay with my husband and me forever.

• 09-03-2008 11:09 AM

  In reply to

  zetacpa Joined on 07-18-2008 Philadelphia, PA Posts 68

  Re: Husband wants out... Reply Contact Wow, Kim, that is a funny and touching story. Just recently my ex got remarried and the new wife wants him to be a part of our boys' lives. We agreed the boys could go for a week this summer and I began to pack a suitcase for the boys. I thought they would like that because they were going on vacation. My youngest, he's six, screamed and hollered and didn't want to go. Why? He didn't want to move out and leave his family. He called me everyday and asked me how me, my hubby, and the dog were. He was so happy to be coming home that my ex said he was packed and ready to go at 5 in the morning! It was rough raising them on my own but when I get my hugs and kisses at night and the crazy phone calls during the day just to say I love you Mommy!, it makes it soooooooooooo worth it. I'd do it 3 more time if I had to :)

• 09-03-2008 1:20 PM

  In reply to

  NewMommyFeb09 Joined on 06-18-2008 Posts 18

  Re: Husband wants out... Reply Contact It's stories like this that allows me to make it through the day. I can finally see the light at the end of the tunnel. Thank you all so much for your replies and your stories because it definitely makes things a little easier. Just to know that there are so many strong women out there raising children and doing a damn good job of it. I don't know how much he will be in the picture when my baby is born. He says he wants to help me and wants to go to the Dr.s visits with me, but I'm not sure about that. Not really sure if I want him there, acting like we're a family. It just infuriates me that he wanted me to have an abortion and wanted to make a clean break. I don't know if I'm willing to share the joys of the Dr. visits with him. Any suggestions?