i gave up a baby girl back in 1986. from this board i found a website that reunites birth families. in a matter of 3 days...i have all the info on the child i gave up. i know where she lives, what college she is going to, where her parents live...which is only 30 mins away from me. she will be 21 this coming december.
if you are adotped...how would you feel if your bm called inquiring about you? i always said i wanted her to make the descision. now all this came about. i am excited and overwhelmed w/ this info. she is an only child...i have 3 children. my oldest is a dd thats 17yo.
if i do inquire about her...i think i will contact her father first. he is a minister and seems like a really nice person from what i read from his church website. the internet doesnt help keep things silent.
well any advise you can give me would be appriciated. plus prayers...b/c thats what i am doing at this time until i make a descision or God lays on my heart the right way to go.
thank you
julie
i appriciate ALL you advise and posts!!! on july 3rd, i contacted my bd thru email on facebook. it was SO undescribable how exciting it was!!! once she responded, we emailed for 3 hours!!!! its only been a week, and we talk on the phone or text msg every day. her 1st email/words to me was i have been praying for you and this moment a thousand times!!! she tried to find me when she was 18, but was told she had to wait until she was 21 by the atty i went thru. so she is VERY excited she doesnt have to go thru the paperwork. plus she had thought i live in another town, so that would have side tracked her. and maybe taken her 6 months to a year to find me. we had just clicked in every way. she is excited for her birth siblings since she is an only child. she's just like i imagined in my dreams and MORE!! she and my dd text msg every day. they are already considering each other as sisters. they communicate as sisters being 20 and 17. its really cool to hear what they say to each other. she has talked to my 14yo ds, but he's your typical 14yo boy, but he's really cool w/ it. he told me yesterday, its wild how he feels so good about it. i was glad, b/c i dont want my family to feel out of place. my dh is VERY supportive. he is my ROCK and helps me in what direction to take in all this.
i will say as exciting this is, its VERY emotional for me at times too. i understand why its easy to run away and hide. all the hurt you set aside from the past, comes creeping up on you unexpectantly. some days i am jubilant, others i am exhausted. sometimes i'm fearful i will chase her away or that i'm too serious. thats why i'm glad i have my 17yodd communicating w/ her. that is the lite part of me that my bd gets. i am trying hard to let her lead. its not in my personality. and she is out-spoken like me, its to a point that i am honestly blunt in my personality. and i am trying to hold back and it makes me emotional. i have ALWAYS been this way all my life. if i cant say what i'm thinking, its like i get really sick to my stomach. she is very open,honest and blunt too. i say blunt, b/c most ppl arent as honest as we are. but i sense she is trying to hold back too, and its hard on us both. its just a day by day journey. her parents have ALWAYS been supportive of her meeting me someday. she has talked of it since a little girl. so they have emailed me to tell me they are happy. but she had her 1st sad incounter yesterday. her grandpa called her worried he was losing her b/c of us finding each other. i think it made her sad. she talked of how all this family dynamics comes into place. we have talked i am NOT her mom, she has one that she loves. i am a friend...but i think she feels sad that thats all i can be. but my dd can truely be her sister. i have told her i am ok w/ what my place is in all this. do you see how this has been such an emotional time??? i recommend a book for ANYONE considering all these things. its called "the adoption reunion survival guide" it was written by a bmom who is reunited. it tells of different ppl's stories. and poses questions for you to think about as an adoptee and a birth parent. there's even a section for adopted parents and their feelings in this. i am SO glad i read this, b/c i know ALL that we are feeling is normal. i have referred back to it several times thru out this last week.
thank you for letting me share this. if i can answer any questions or help anyone...please dont hesitate to email me. i'm also on the august 2004 board. take care and God bless all of you in your journeys!!!
julie