Just thought I'd say the holidays are a really tough time. Being the only parent and doing all the shopping and having to pay a sitter to do your 2 yr old's Chrismtas shopping because you can't do it w/ her. She has a memory sharp enough she will tell me about things tha twere done 3 montsh ago and never mentiioned again. She remembers everything so if she was with me not only would she want he rtoys/gifts then she would also remember it on Christmas day. I hate how expensive it is w/ paying the sitter. I hate havign 1 income I hate being the only parent. I just want Scott to get to help once, to get to meet his baby girl even once so I can have a pic of the 2 of them and a pic of the 3 of us. That won't happen this side of heaven th ough and I know it. It doesn't make it easier though knowing the logic and the truth it just seems to make it worse. In March it will have been 3 yrs since he passed away and our baby will be 3 in May. Anyway I hat the holiday sbut do them for Lydia. She also brings a joy to the season but not enough to keep the smile on my face after she goes to bed,