Does anyone feel like they're just tolerating their husband?

• 10-07-2008 10:52 AM

  Sarahkg Joined on 10-07-2008 Posts 2

  Does anyone feel like they're just tolerating their husband? Reply Contact Although I love my husband very much, we argue a lot, usually about him drinking. Sometimes he is okay when he is drinking, sometimes he gets drunk and shows his butt. I don't want him to drink at all because I am 5 months pregnant with my first child (my husband has a 7 year old) and I don't want my baby exposed to that kind of behavior. I am going back to school May of '09 and I often think that as soon as I can support myself and my child I will leave him. I still love him very much and do not want to raise a child on my own. There is no way short of leaving (which I have done before) that I can make my feelings any clearer to him.

• 10-16-2008 10:25 AM

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  Williams-Jones_Freda Joined on 03-09-2004 Sunflower, Mississippi Posts 113

  Re: Does anyone feel like they're just tolerating their husband? Reply Contact I feel that way a lot of time....I feel that once I get my degree that I can move and my children and I will be happier...The only thing is that if I did move I will have to be close around my hubby so that the children can see him....Then, I think that I want to stay because maybe the children won't be happy if I did that. Then, I think of all the things people say such as, parents that are unhappy and are trying to stay together for the kids, won't work and things of that sort. Then I think, why should I be miserable all my life because my husband choose to be in boring Ms....I am originally from Chicago, IL

• 10-18-2008 3:28 PM

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  nicole1468224 Joined on 02-19-2007 Trinidad, West Indies Posts 15

  Re: Does anyone feel like they're just tolerating their husband? Reply Contact I feel that way a lot lately, cause he does not show me any kinda love at all and I cant be in a relationship with love and of course sex, I dont know what is his problem but I aint gonna put up with this for much longer, we have a two year old together and I want him to have both parents in his life but I need attention and I need it like yesterday, anyone agree with me?

• 10-24-2008 1:56 AM

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  Katie72586 Joined on 07-17-2008 Posts 1

  Re: Does anyone feel like they're just tolerating their husband? Reply Contact I think that maybe you should just try to talk to your husband. I'm only 22, but I think sometimes when people who are married have a child they start to lose their relationship to make room for baby. Even though I understand why you would choose to leave him, I always find that compromising is the best solution. My boyfriend and I were both drinkers, and as soon as I found out about baby, I stopped. One night my boyfriend got trashed and he wasn't very nice to me, and I just remembered some of the terrible things that happened right before I found out I was pregnant, all of the fighting and bitterness and I thought that I didn't want to deal with it either. After that night, we talked and I told him that I didn't know how I felt about it yet. Soon, I made the decision, and we talked again and I told him that he could have one day out of the month when he got wasted with his friends. Since then, his drinking has actually gotten a lot better. He no longer drinks to get drunk every time he drinks and he totally respects our agreement. I thought it was going to be so much harder, because it seemed like he had such a problem. Guys need their space too. And you have to respect that. I'm sure deep inside he doesn't want to lose you or the baby, and that he feels like he is going through a lot too. You have to show him a little more trust, and try not to have a bad attitude when he acts stupid when drinking, we have definitely almost all been there. I think that giving him his space will really help, although he already has a child of his own, guys really do still go through almost the same thing with every pregnancy, you know, is the baby mine? do i have to get a new job? etc. They are already very hard on themselves. My boyfriend and I have actually improved our relationship and I feel it's because we give a little more, to see the best come out of each other. It's really a beautiful thing, I look at him everyday and thank god for letting me have his baby. Even though we're both young, and a mess, and broke, I still manage to find it so great. I really hope the best for your family, and even if my advice doesn't help you that much I hope you know that someone cared. Best wishes, Katie. Phoenix,AZ

• 12-03-2008 6:06 AM

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  zacsmum Joined on 09-13-2007 Australia Posts 21

  Re: Does anyone feel like they're just tolerating their husband? Reply Contact My dads a drunk. Wasn't a fun childhood. Only u know how bad the situation is and can answer if u should leave or not. Try to chill. Talk to him, tell him how bad his behaviour is for u and unhealthy for baby. Tell him what u want him to change. PP made a good suggestion that worked for her - they compromised and bargained for what they wanted, and needed to feel happy to remain in the relationship. Start saving and stash the money away, just focus on finishing ur studies. Then with a little bit of money in yr pocket and job lined up decide. Evaluate his 'effort', your effort. Are u happy, is he? and then decided 'do I stay, or do I go now'? Good luck, I hope all works out for u.

• 12-27-2008 8:56 AM

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  ReiAndy Joined on 09-10-2006 Tianjin, China Posts 27

  Re: Does anyone feel like they're just tolerating their husband? Reply Contact Tell you what...you may love him and you may not want to raise this baby on your own. But I can tell you from EXPERIENCE that your children will thank you for giving them a life that is not destroyed by drinking. Yes drinking is the problem but it slowly bleeds into the rest of your life. Do you want you children living that way? Because a drinker never gets better...it can only get worse. He either stops or you leave, there can be only two choices. I remember growing up with an alcoholic father, not being able to bring friends home because dad might be drunk- having neighbors pity you- hearing your other family members talk about it- having to hide in the garage when he got violent- having all happy celebrations (like Christmas and birthdays) destroyed because he was drunk- and then growing up to be a borderline alcoholic before I just stopped cold turkey. It might not be bad to you but your children deserve a healthy and happy home.

• 12-27-2008 6:49 PM

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  Nina3183692 Joined on 12-27-2008 Posts 2

  Re: Does anyone feel like they're just tolerating their husband? Reply Contact You're replies are great girls. Come to think of it maybe I felt many similar things when I fooled around recently. I have abandonment and solitude issues when he's not around and no idea all that goes on at his job. I feel like sometimes it's worse than an addiction or maybe work is his addiction but I can't go on much longer without a man around more often. I posted earlier about my recent fling while hubby was away and how I don't know if it is his or the other guys. I would like some advice on that BIG issue if you have some. I don't know if and when to tell my husband what I did! Thanx

• 01-05-2009 11:37 PM

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  ashy Joined on 06-19-2008 Posts 6

  Re: Does anyone feel like they're just tolerating their husband? Reply Contact Hai, i hope you doing fine now, you know im not married but i have been in a relationship with the father of my child for over 5yrs now, he does not drink but he is very selfish , i feel like you do alot of times , i always wish that he can change but it doesnt look like it, well i hope we as we woman could have the strenth to be able to just leave without the man in our lives , but believe me you, you love him and even if you were finincially stable you still would not leave him, so i think take time for your self, i know its sounds selfish but wants you happy with you, he will bother you less, u never know your desire for a better life for your baby may rub off on him, gudluck