What happens when you find out about the other woman

• 10-25-2008 9:02 PM

  Felixia3084813 Joined on 10-16-2008 Posts 3

  What happens when you find out about the other woman Reply Contact My son is 15 weeks old. I've been married to a someone I thought of as my best friend for almost four years. It wasn't a perfect marriage but we were making it work. I found a receipt for a purchase from a jewlry store. Our anniversary and my birthday are fast approaching not to mention christmas. I was excited and decided to take a quick peek. They were diamond earrings. Not really my style but I was going to act as if I loved them. Still thinking that they must be for me. Till the notification came in that they were sent to a girl named lilianna, my name is felixia. It's been three days, I feel like I'm in a state of shock. He said that they were just friends now, he admitted that they were in a relationship when he was stationed in Okinawa. I hadn't mentioned the email I found dated after we left Japan that said he loved her and wanted her to be with him so much. He said she knew about me and that she had a husband as well... It get's worse if that is possible. He also told me that he still has feelings for this other woman. I don't understand we planned to have this child, it wasn't an accident. Why would he have a child with me if he still loves her. He keeps trying to get me to go to counseling with him but I can't stand to look at him. I feel numb and cold. I kicked him out and all his clothes. I didn't allow him to take anything else. now i have an apartment and a car i cannot afford on my own. i have no family close and i feel defeated.

• 10-26-2008 2:32 AM

  In reply to

  Deidre2399705 Joined on 09-24-2007 Baby Evelyn Born 5/15/08~Norfolk VA Posts 34	Re: What happens when you find out about the other woman Reply Contact  I am so sorry you're going through this :(  I suggest going to counceling sweetie if you'd like to try to make it through this in your marriage.  It is a positive sign that he is wanting to go to counceling himself.

• 10-28-2008 1:40 AM

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  Heather2649743 Joined on 10-23-2008 Posts 7

  Re: What happens when you find out about the other woman Reply Contact good for you! no woman deserves to be treated that way.. trust me i was in a two year relationship with a guy and his stupid ways only become worse. once you forgive him once it will repeat its self there is no going back! you have to be strong.. and trust me it will be one of the hardest things you will ever face. but think about you and your child. would you rather leave this man and one day find someone who will love the both of you.. or stay with him and deal with the deception and lies for the rest of your life. trust me honey your child needs security more than it needs a father! and i know you are strong enough to provide that for your child! you are a mom you will make it through this! and the counseling!! omg! yes he needs counseling no you do not! he has issues not you! men like him do not deserve second chances! and a great step for you would be to move somewhere that you have family you'll learn quick family is more important than any man! they love you!! be strong i know you can do this!! good luck!

• 11-10-2008 1:46 AM

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  karen3088706 Joined on 10-19-2008 Eagan, MN Posts 1

  Re: What happens when you find out about the other woman Reply Contact Honey, I know exactly how you feel. Right before I became pregnant, the father started going out alot after work.. he never did this before. We had long talks and decided we were going to work on our relationship. We hadnt had sex in about 6 wks. We did spontaneously one night. I got pregnant. He didnt "work" on things. Then I found directions and an adress on a slip of paper that fell under our office desk. One night when he was supposed to be home and wasnt, I followed it. His car was in the driveway. The front door was open so I could see in and he was sitting on the sofa with a woman he worked with, candles going, and OUR dog! It was everything I could do to not walk right up to that door! I confronted him when he got home, he claimed they were just friends from work and that the candles were because she had a roommate who had just passed gas! haha! Anyhow, long story short - we are over, he is with her, him and I are having a baby. ( we were going to be married this past August but htings started to change.. he did a 180) I am about in your situation financially too and with my family. It is really hard and I know I am just going to have to keep getting up every morning and going through the motions until I dont feel so horrible. He was my best friend. I had never loved someone so much. You will need to decide wether or not to go to counseling, me personally - once someone betrays the relationship its over. I cant go back and wont. How could I EVER really trust him again.

• 11-15-2008 9:25 PM

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  QuennelsMommy Joined on 11-16-2008 Posts 1

  I hope this helps Reply Contact First off, i want to start off by saying that I am truly sorry to hear about your situation and what you are going through. I am not going to say that I know what you are going through because I haven't had that experience, but I do understand what you may be feeling. I noticed you said that you both planned this pregnancy, this sounds as if you are feeling lonely and maybe even resentful. Now, I am not saying that you regret having your son at all because everyone knows children are a blessing. Know that you are not alone though. You dont have any proof that he has physically cheated on you but he has feelings for another woman and having an emotional bond with another woman other than you and his mother is having an emotional affair, which is equivalent. One thing you must know, men are selfish creatures. The fact that he still had feelings for that woman and had a son with you only proves my theory correct. Men want to have their cake and eat it too. Just because he loves her doesnt mean he doesnt love you. He wanted assurance that you would be in his life no matter what so therefore he can be free to do whatever he pleases. I understand how you feel when you say you cant even stand to see him. When my boyfriend and i argue i can barely sit in the same room with him. These arguments are petty so i cant begin to imagine the intensity of your feelings. You made a good choice, for yourself. What about your family? Your son?? Try working it out. It may take a miracle but trying just makes it clear as to what was meant happen. If you try and things do work out, then you were meant to stay together to raise your family. But if it doesnt, know that you tried and its out of your hands, there is nothing else you can do. Talk to him. Tell him you want to work things out for the sake of your family. in order for things to work out there will be must needed change.

• 12-27-2008 9:08 AM

  In reply to

  ReiAndy Joined on 09-10-2006 Tianjin, China Posts 27

  Re: What happens when you find out about the other woman Reply Contact I'm sorry to hear that you have to go through this...as no one deserves to be treated like this. As for your finances, it sounds like he is in the military? If he is then you can MAKE him pay for the car and the apartment no matter what. Go to his unit and talk to his commanding officer or First Sgt.- They do not look too kindly on fathers that abandon their families...and that's what he did when he was with this other woman. Garnish his wages. You and your baby do not deserve this treatment. He wants you to go to counseling for what??? For his good time? It's not as if this was a fling, it was a relationship! There are plenty of men out there that can be a man for you, you do not NEED him to be a part of your life but he still has obligations. If he's not in the military then talk to his employer or some govt agency that can make sure he pays the bills. If he's got money for diamond earrings for some tramp then he's got money for your baby, your house and your car.