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• 11-02-2005 12:16 PM

  new Mark as Not AnswerMark as Answer... Reply Contact hey, i didnt lose a spouse by im 16 years old and pregnant with a little boy to be born in febuary.  this past january of 05' i lost my dad. i was just wondering how all of you deal with it and what it feels like for the significant other becasue i dont know how to deal with my mom sometimes. here is some background...... my dad has a heart problem called a mitro valve prolapse, he went into surgery, which was open-heart to get it fixed and he got through the surgery very well and then 2 days later developed Necrotizing Pancreatitis which is basically the Pancreas falls apart and then in the next 2-4 weeks if not treated properly ( which my dads was not) it affects all of the other organs and they begin to deteriorate and fall apart. it was so hard to see him go through that but i wonder how hard it was for my mom. if you guys could help and if some of you wouldnt mind sharing how your spouses passed away i would be very appreciative. Thankyou and hope you are all doing well.         ~ Allie ~

• 11-04-2005 7:50 AM

  In reply to

  welovescott4ever Joined on 09-13-2004 IN Posts 3,770

  Re: new Reply Contact I was 19, 20 now, and 6 months preggo w/ our first baby.  Scott was epileptic and we didn't have the money for both his meds and food so we didn't get his meds on time.  He was to be woke up at 8am for his friend's funeral but at 755 I woke up to horrible breathing, I had heard it many times before and knew a seizure was on the way any minute.  I grabbed pillows and protected his head best I could and one to protect the baby under my pj pants.  I saw he wasn't breathing so I moved the pillow from where he was so he could breath.  IL couldn't get him to move so  I got his parents downstairs to move him (we lived in their basement).  When they got him back on the bed he was a gray/blue color so his dad started cpr and his mom called 911 while I stood there sobbing.  The paramedis and police couldn't get his pulse and breathing back for about 35 min after they got there which was at least 45 min after the seizure stopped.  They got him stabilized and transported him to another hospital that could "better" care for him.  He had to be put into a drug induced comma to stop the seizures, he was seizing every 1 sec or so.  While in the comma they noticed his brain activity decreasing so they weaned himn off the comma meds but his brain function only continued to decrease and by day 4 it was completely gone.  I had gone to my parents house to sleep for the night on night 3 because I wan't sleeping well and had already been in labor twice since 4 1/2 months pregnant so I had to get some rest and a little less stressful environment.  I am part of the May 05 group and got on and let everyone know where i had been and what was going on and they were so supportive and prayed so hard.  While I was at the hospital the first night one of his friends called our cell phone and I had to give him the horrible news, and I called a few other people who I wanted to let know and i htought he would want to know.  When I returned on day 4 the dr found lal the family and asked to meet w/ us in the family room.  I truely believe dhe was going to tell us that Scott had regained some activity in his brain, but he told us just the oppisite that there was stilll no activity and that they were going to run 1 more test, even though 2 had already shown no activity and that we should begin thinking about organ donation.  We talked w/ the man in charge of it and he answered all our questions and left us to tlak for as long as we needed.  We decided to donate anything that could be used, except his legs becaue I was ery uncomfortable w/ that for some reason.  It has been very difficult to go through this, especially being pregnant and in and out of labor more times than I can count and ending up on bedrest and meds around the clock to keep from goining into full labor too early.  Now that our baby is 5 mnths old and having all these different firsts and doing new thigns it is very difficult knowing that all the thigns Scott looked forward to so much he will not get to be a part of.  Our daughter is 5 months old and has a tooth, sits alone, and is just so happy all the time, despite her problems w/ feeding and gaining weight.  When she was born her ord was around her neck pretty tight, and it was due to the fact that I was trying to move someone who was twice my size even though I was pregnant but I didn't even think about the fact that trying to move Scott could harm the baby because I was scared to death.  It is a long process he grieving is and i still have good days and bad days, sometimes more good sometimes more bad and it has been 8 months.  The only advice I can give you is to give your mom time to grieve, eveyrone does so in different ways and different time, but if you feel she is in any danger you need to try your hardest to get her to get help.  It is not a sighn of weakness to get assitance from a proffesional on grief if you need it.  I am sure oyu are grieving as well.  Be gentle with yourself and let your mom know to be gentle with herself.  I found a website that really helps me to go visit and talk to other widows.  It is www.ywbb.org  It is all widows/widowers on the site and everyone knows and understands because we have all been there too.  These next few months may be especially difficult with the holidays as well as the 1 yr mark aproaching.  Offer to help in anyway you can and if your mom wants to go off and be alone for Christmas or Thanksgiving or something let her.  She may just not want to do things the same way because it will probably be a painful reminder that your dad is not there.  Feel free to pm me if you want more info or anything.  Congrats on your baby and sorry for the loss in your family.  You can read more of my posts on here, my name used to be Krystina +Scott=3.  Hope I was able to help.

• 12-19-2005 8:24 PM

  In reply to

  Stacie2BoysandChloe Joined on 11-25-2001 Las Vegas, Nevada Posts 32

  Re: new Reply Contact Hello, I just wanted to let you know how sorry I am about your father, I just lost my mom 6 months ago as well. She had the same exact surgery and everything went perfect, my father was standing outside her hospital room dorr waiting for them to say it was ok to come see her, she was awake and responding and said she wanted to see my dad, minutes later she went into cardiac arrest, she had a pulmonary embolism and they worked on her for 53 mins, my mom was my best friend and it still is hard =( Hugs, Stacie

• 01-06-2006 8:35 AM

  In reply to

  Karainfla Joined on 04-12-2005 Posts 1,830

  Re: new Reply Contact Hey, Allie! First and foremost, I want to express my deepest sympathy for the loss of your father.  I, too, lost my father.  I was 15 years old when he passed away.  So, I understand being a teenager and having to grow up without a dad.  It is tough, but one thing that got me through it was that my dad wouldn't have wanted me to grieve too long.  My dad lived life to the fullest, and I know he would want me to do the same.  Honor your father by trying to be a good person, finish your education, and be a wonderful mother to your baby.  I got pregnant at the age of 16, and I delivered when I was 17.  It is REALLY tough being a teenage mom.  YOU have to step up to the plate and be everything this baby needs.  You will have to grow up really quick.  When I had my daughter, Ashley, my mom needed this.  It turned out to be a really good thing.  With the passing of my dad so quick to the time I had Ash, my mom needed something to love.  She helped me so much.  I finished high school and college, with her help.  At the age of 30, I now have three children.  I have a 12 year old (Ashley), an 8 year old (Allie), and a one year old (David John).  Stay in school, Allie!!!  That is the best thing you can do for your baby.  Your education is one thing that somebody cannot take from you.  You earn that yourself.  Also, Never stop learning!!  My dad got his doctorate at the age of 45.  He passed away when he was only 48.  So, it is never too late to continue your education.  I have recently gone back to college because my calling from God is to be a medical provider.  I am a pre-med major now.  It is amazing how God will take certain situations and you will learn from them.  Girl, I could write a book with everything I have been through.  But, the most important thing is that you learn from your mistakes.  Okay, I'll finish up my novel!!  Sorry for the long post.  If you need anything or anybody to talk to, please contact me.  I've been there and done that!!  It helps to have friends and a support system through this very difficult time.  Make your dad proud!!  Raise this baby to love Jesus and to be a person of character, and stay in school, Allie!  Take care!