Terri, I lost a son on May 24, 2004 and had the same type of thing happen. I had been having problems with my pregnancy since 16 weeks when my water broke for some unknown reason. At 23 weeks I went in for my ultrasound like I had been doing every other day and they told me he no longer had a heartbeat. Instead of inducing labor that day, Monday, they decided to wait until Wed.. Well, when I woke up on Tuesday I was having severe cramps, but it didn't feel like labor so I decided that I would go to the hospital to get some reliefe from the pain and thought they might go ahead and induce, but I wanted to take a shower first. I guess it was a good thing I decided to take the shower because I live about 25 min. from the nearest hospital and I ended up having him in the shower that morning, if I hadn't taken the shower I would have had him on the side of the road. My grandmother took me and the baby to the hospital after calling them and asking whether to get an ambulance or to just come to the hospital. Since it would take at least 30 min. for the ambulance to get there and another while to get to the hosp. they decided that my grandmother could get me there faster. Once I got to the ER they were shocked, I guess they didn't really know what to expect. I had nurses coming out of the "smoke shack" looking at my son like he was some kind of experiment or something. Then I don't remember much after they got me to the OB floor. I was in shock and had lost a lot of blood. I did get to hold my son and made my grandmother take some pics of him bc I knew that was the only ones I would ever have.
I say all of that to say, I have been there. I know how devestating it can be. This past Sept. my grandmother that had been through all of this with me passed away. Up until then no one had been able to say or do anything to make the passing of my son seem like it would ever be okay. I have been in a deep depression ever since I lost him. Even the birth of my new son did not take that pain away. Then, at my grandmother's funeral in the cemetary I was speaking to the preacher. We were talking about the incident mentioned above and he said, " Imagine how lucky you are to have a son who was made to serve God his whole life! That is really special. I know it hurts, but God chose you to be his mother for the time he was here and chose him to live with God and to serve him forever. That is a great honor."
I know that it does seem kinda cheesy, but if you think about it, it's true. Your little angel, no matter how much we miss them is up in heaven with God. He never has to feel pain, hunger, or cold, hurt, and none of the other pains we feel here on earth. I love my son and think of him every day and miss him, but I am proud to say that I am his mother and he was chosen for a reason to serve God his whole life. This is a big step for me because I was mad at God for taking him, now I see there is no place better for him than with God. Even I could not keep him from feeling all the hurt and pain of this world, no matter how I would try.
I am very sorry for your loss and I thought that my story and what the preacher said to me may help you as you try to grieve this horrible loss. If you need someone to talk to I am here. I agree with the other girl on here as well. Making a special place for your babies things can be healing. I did not put his things in a box however. I put his blanket from the hospital, his tiny hat, his footprints on the card from the hospital, and a poem that I wrote for him in a big matted picture frame that I keep in the living room with the pictures of my other children. I did not however put his pictures in there because they are a little too much for me to look at on a daily basis. I feel having his other things displayed helps me acknowledge him and to keep him close to my heart. I wish you and your family the best.