Husband looks at other women on the internet

• 06-12-2008 3:02 PM

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  Angie2665228 Joined on 02-13-2008 Posts 139	Re: Husband looks at other women on the internet Reply Contact I guess i really dont care if my hubby looks at porn on the web...if it was an every day thing i would be mad and go off.. but i have noit wanted to have sex for months (i do every couple weeks just because..) i am sure alot more men then most of you think watch porn on the web..

• 06-12-2008 3:11 PM

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  Sarah 2007 Joined on 07-24-2006 Posts 70

  Re: Husband looks at other women on the internet Reply Contact I hear you on the not wanting it thing - for me - for some reason its kinda painful - but I do it anyway and act like I lie it - SHHH!! LOL if he kbew then he wouldnt do it - Anyway the whole intrent porn thing doesnt bug me as long as I dont see him looking at it and I dont want to know - My hubby got caught one time on my computer looking at home videos of random chicks doing whatever and that bugged me alot - its one thing for it to be your career its another to be a hooker on the internet!  So we had the talk!  He is agood boy though and respects my feelings - thats really the most important

• 06-18-2008 3:17 PM

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  twinkle_star Joined on 11-02-2007 Utah Posts 16

  Re: Husband looks at other women on the internet Reply Contact I know my hubby watches "stuff" on the internet occasionally. It doesn't bother me at all. I knew before we got married that he would watch stuff on there sometimes, and i don't care at all, i don't feel threatened, i know he loves me, so if he wants to watch that stuff why not? Sometimes i will watch some with him, I don't see a big deal, there are beautiful women making love, and that just turns me on and makes me want to "rape" ( sort of speak) my hubby right there, i find that it just make things hotter a bit. Now i'm not saying that you have to watch it like everyday but on some occasional, why not, maybe i'm just an open minded person. I'm confident in myself and i know my hubby loved me and my body so i don't feel like ohh we is watching that "stuff" so he is going to not want me. I find it kinda kinky :P anyways way too much TMI here lol

• 06-25-2008 3:54 PM

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  Alisha2840354 Joined on 05-23-2008 Las Vegas #1: Lilly Raine 12-21-2008 Posts 884

  Re: Husband looks at other women on the internet Reply Contact I totally agree with the above post. It doesn't bother me at all that my hubby looks at it. I am 100% secure in our relationship and I know he doesn't do it to replace me or my body...he is a man and men look. I don't try to make him something he is not and I feel that I would rather know he does this 'quite normal' stuff than for him to hide it from me becuase of how I will react. To make my husband not look at it would be wrong and I think that that is just the begining of a controlling realtionship. Let's face it, if our hubby's were single they would look, so just becuase they are devoted to us doesn't mean they can't look anymore. I too watch sometimes...although I'm not too into it...but it definitely kinks it up a bit! I guess all in all I am just very open minded and accepting of others for who they really are (even when we aren't around) =) Don't want to upset anyone, just giving my honest opinion.

• 06-27-2008 10:27 AM

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  lisa2905379 Joined on 06-18-2008 Mississippi Posts 28

  Re: Husband looks at other women on the internet Reply Contact Just because it is accepted, doesn't make it right. Lust is lust, no matter how you slice it. If your man is satisfied with you, there is no need to look at other women. All of you "open-minded" women - I just feel sorry for you that you have that in your relationship and you don't get "kinky" all by yourselves; you have to have outside influences, outside stimuli - not your own bodies, minds, souls. Intimacy is just that - it's intimate, personal, private, secure. Like, how do you know that when he's making love to you, he's not picturing all of the other women he's seen in that way? I don't know, I understand - to some extent - I've been in a relationship that has had that element, and, now, I'm in one that doesn't and don't need it. We find pleasure in ourselves and get creative all by ourselves. Let me tell you, it's really nice to know - and I mean 'know' - that he is getting pleasure from me and only me, and I can have the security and confidence to know that I please him and do not leave him with the desire (or need) to look at any other women. And yes - he has looked at porn and sees nothing wrong with it; I think that he has just grown up and is mature enough to know that we are the only ones that we should be getting pleasure from - i.e. commitment. And it is much better this way. I will say that I'm sorry to the OP in what you're going through, and I'm sorry that I have no advice to give. If you let him know that it hurts you and he don't care, then I would say that he don't deserve you. To the ladies that don't care, that's one thing; but when you do care and it hurts you - no matter what it is, than it should matter to the partner. Honey, I'll be praying for you and always remember that you can do the same for your man. Much love to you.

• 06-27-2008 11:52 AM

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  CDMelty Joined on 12-27-2007 Illinois Posts 26

  Re: Husband looks at other women on the internet Reply Contact  I agree that the problem is not the porn so much as the fact that he seems to be disregarding her feelings about it.  However, I don't think that you can KNOW that your man only ever looks at you just because he doesn't watch porn.  I'd rather have my husband idealize some airbrushed, made-up, over-inflated porn star than say, the girl who sells him his newspaper or the grocery store check-out girl.  You can't, unless you blind and castrate him, ever make sure he doesn't ever think about someone else.  That's where trust comes in.  And sorry but I trust my husband to satisfy his biological urge to lust with the computer rather than with actual real people.  I applaud you if your husband is so evolved that he has no biological uge to spread his seed, but I married a flawed human being, and so did my husband.  I like Matt Damon and e likes Halle Berry and that's fine with us.  Your husband may not be allowed to have little crushes and if it works for you then good, but I couldn't set those limitations.  I would feel more controlling than loving.  Monogamy and commitment mean finding ways to stay together and exclusive even with life's temptations, no closing yourself off from the world to avoid them.  My husband is human and hetero and attractive women attract him.  I'm glad he takes it out on himself, so to speak, than actually striking up conversations with other women.

• 06-27-2008 1:03 PM

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  lisa2905379 Joined on 06-18-2008 Mississippi Posts 28

  Re: Husband looks at other women on the internet Reply Contact Haha - I hear you...I think you took me a little too seriously, there, though. I know he looks at other women, in our society, today, you can't help it. I was just saying that he doesn't seek out naked, sexually charged pictures and videos on the net or porn shops or anything. I hear what you're saying about the air-brushed, made-up people vs. real women, but those air-brushed ones are real, too. They are just for looking, though, and not touching. And it is totally a trust issue. For some reason, though, I would rather him like the check-out girl, than the air-brushed stars, 'cause at least then I know that I can compare to them - I can't stand next to an air-brushed vixen on the net, though. I would know that he doesn't have this idealized view of how a woman should look. (fact is: we just don't look like that, not without surgery, anyway) And I'll never be able to look like that, but I know I look just as good, if not better, than the check-out girl. I love this open discussion, though, thank you. And, I don't dictate or control him in any way - heck, he checks out waitresses, jokes about bringing them home. But it is the trust - and the fact that I know I look good to him and he enjoys my body (more when I'm not prego) and is overall happy with me. I was strictly talking about lusting after other women and say - looking at them instead of at you (ME). You said that you would rather him satisfy his lust with the computer than with another woman, but I seem to have missed YOU in that equation. Why can't he satisfy his lust with you? THAT is my point.

• 06-27-2008 2:40 PM

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  Alisha2840354 Joined on 05-23-2008 Las Vegas #1: Lilly Raine 12-21-2008 Posts 884

  Re: Husband looks at other women on the internet Reply Contact My husband doesn't substitute me or my body for internet or porn stars. I am happy to say I have a very nice body and was blessed with good looks and my husband feels and tells me all the time that he is the luckest man in the world to have such a beautiful, smart, sweet woman as his wife. We have NO trouble being intiment or 'kinky' by ourselves...but I did state that it helps create it. And I think it can be quite fun. this is my personal preference and I apologize to anyone who took offense. Just because I don't have a problem with it and see myself as "open minded" doesn't make me a bad person and you a better one. TO EACH THEIR OWN!!! =)

• 06-27-2008 3:51 PM

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  CDMelty Joined on 12-27-2007 Illinois Posts 26

  Re: Husband looks at other women on the internet Reply Contact lisa2905379: Haha - I hear you...I think you took me a little too seriously, there, though. I know he looks at other women, in our society, today, you can't help it. I was just saying that he doesn't seek out naked, sexually charged pictures and videos on the net or porn shops or anything. I hear what you're saying about the air-brushed, made-up people vs. real women, but those air-brushed ones are real, too. They are just for looking, though, and not touching. And it is totally a trust issue. For some reason, though, I would rather him like the check-out girl, than the air-brushed stars, 'cause at least then I know that I can compare to them - I can't stand next to an air-brushed vixen on the net, though. I would know that he doesn't have this idealized view of how a woman should look. (fact is: we just don't look like that, not without surgery, anyway) And I'll never be able to look like that, but I know I look just as good, if not better, than the check-out girl. I love this open discussion, though, thank you. And, I don't dictate or control him in any way - heck, he checks out waitresses, jokes about bringing them home. But it is the trust - and the fact that I know I look good to him and he enjoys my body (more when I'm not prego) and is overall happy with me. I was strictly talking about lusting after other women and say - looking at them instead of at you (ME). You said that you would rather him satisfy his lust with the computer than with another woman, but I seem to have missed YOU in that equation. Why can't he satisfy his lust with you? THAT is my point.   Oh he does satisfy lust with me.  But men are men, their eyes wander is what I mean.  And if he just absolutely feels compelled to imagine sex with someone else I would rather it be some girl on TV or a movie than someone here in his life.  A real person in his real life is a lot closer to home than some semi-inflatable collogen-queen off the internet.  I'd just rather he check out some porn chick than check out my friends or some girl at work or whatever. I guess it's just a question of what you feel is more threatening.  Personally, i think a real live vagina is worse than a 2 dimensional one.  I suppose if you're secure enough to know that you're hotter than any other woman he may ever see except porn stars, then I envy you.  But we have 18 yr old check-out girls here who don't have stretch marks or leg stubble or boobs that try to hide in their armpits.  Or at least, DH doesn't see those things.  I'd rather he lust after an unattainable fantasy on a screen than a very real person in front of him who he could maybe start to hit on.  It's not that he would hit on her, but that he COULD.  the worst he could do with a porn star is maybe join a fan club or make her his friend on myspace.  Nothing too threatening there.

• 06-27-2008 5:36 PM

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  lisa2905379 Joined on 06-18-2008 Mississippi Posts 28

  Re: Husband looks at other women on the internet Reply Contact I understand....and I see your point. And to what you were saying..... it does just all come down to trust. That's it. And all relationships are different and at different times through the years, I know. We've only been married for 4 months ( together 3 yrs) so who's to say what we'll be doing in 3 more years, let alone 10 - 15. I agree that whatever works, do it. I think as long you're happy, that's all that matters, right? I wish good luck to all married folks out there, it ain't easy (this is my 2nd marriage). I think we all need it.

• 07-30-2008 7:13 AM

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  Adrianne2978562 Joined on 07-30-2008 Posts 1

  Re: Husband looks at other women on the internet Reply Contact My husband and I just got over this bump in the pregnancy. I was initially so upset because this whole time he told me he hates porn and pictures of other women. But since I sat him down and talked it out, it turns out that he thought I was still feeling really sick and hurting. Once explained that that part was over its like a second honeymoon. Try approching openly and honestly thats always the best way. If you try to hide something they just think you are angry at them and they give up trying.

• 08-15-2008 6:01 AM

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  JaydenandIsabel'sMommy Joined on 05-02-2006 WIsconsin Posts 212

  Re: Husband looks at other women on the internet Reply Contact i don't know what to tell you. my bf/babies daddy thinks its ok to watch porn on the tv internet it doesn't matter. he tell me he just watches it because it is funny but the amount that he watches is terrible. I don't mind the pictures but the videos. to my i feel like he is cheating on me. he could be in the bedroom doing stuff with me but instead he would rather watch it on the tv or internet. i don;t know what to say about my situation and how it makes me feel. I am 11 weeks pregnant so newly pregnant but i am starting to show as it is my third and i am hating my body right bout now. then to see the skinny little girls with no stretch marks nothing. the perfect body hurts alot.

• 08-15-2008 11:07 AM

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  MeganTownsend701 Joined on 05-15-2008 California Posts 78

  Re: Husband looks at other women on the internet Reply Contact Its not the women My DH is looking at its what they are doing. So I'm not insecure about it. I am the only one he wants to be with. But he also tells me that he thinks its sexy that I am carrying his baby. All the changes are physical and emotional turn ons for him because its me and its our baby. We are all he has ever wanted. But every woman has a different opinion on xxx stuff and so do men. I can't say that its not a big deal to anyone else just because its not a big deal to me. I just hope people remember that those are ACTORS and they have FAKE PARTS... what happens in those movies and pictures could never be as real to him as you. But thats just my opinion.

• 09-30-2008 2:56 PM

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  Sarah2952561 Joined on 07-16-2008 Posts 2

  Re: Husband looks at other women on the internet Reply Contact My husband has a problem with porn too. For both of us, it is completely unacceptable. Pornography is an addiction and can be very hard to overcome (just like if you were to quit smoking or something similar). My husband started looking at porn at a young age, and it became an addiction. Now, as far as i understand, he doesn't look at it because he doesn't love me, thinks i'm unattractive, etc, but because of the high it gives him (kind of like taking drugs). In many cases, it's not something they can just say they wont ever do again and be done with it. my husband wants so bad to be rid of this problem, but every few months or so, it happens again even if he is so determined not to. if your husband wants to give up porn, there are so many ways to get help. we go to a therapist once every couple of weeks (make sure you get a good one who sees porn as a problem in marriage like you do). or there are support groups, etc. i am so sorry. i have been through similar things and it really sucks. the best thing you can do for your marriage is establish trust. when my husband is honest with me (even if something goes wrong), it is so much easier to work through the problem together than when he hides it from me. i don't think your husband is doing this because he doesn't love you, he just needs some help and support (if he's willing to accept it). good luck with everything, i wish you the best.