My baby angel Evelyn

• 10-10-2008 7:12 AM

  Virginia2784163 Joined on 10-10-2008 Posts 1

  My baby angel Evelyn Reply Contact I have two healthy children and just lost my baby 3 months ago, we named her Evelyn Kathleen. The doctors say she crimped her umbilical cord and that she also had a hematoma on her neck, but she was a big baby even at 19 weeks and 6 days when i had to deliver her, I was in labor for 3 days and had no clue what i was doing since i had only had c sections before. My husband and I are trying to conceive now but so far it's a big fat failure. I am having a terrible time right now, my work had given me my 3 months maternity leave and now i have to go back to work on Monday, plus i keep getting trillions of invitations for baby showers including my husband's friends baby who was due only a month after me. I feel so selfish and still feel like my eyes are faucets because now i can't even control when or where i cry it seems to be getting harder rather than easier. My mom tells me i should be over her already but i don't think so if anyone has any advice or inspiring stories i could use a little hope. Ginny

• 10-12-2008 10:47 AM

  In reply to

  Xavier'sMommyLV Joined on 10-11-2008 Las Vegas Posts 515

  Re: My baby angel Evelyn Reply Contact Hi Ginny. I had to reply to your post. I read your note and I cried for you and baby Evelyn. I lost two babies before I had my beautiful boy who is two now. I was utterly devastated. After the 2nd one which was only 4 months after the first, I was shattered. Everyone kept saying "oh don't worry, you can have another one" and "its better this way, there must have been something wrong" and my personal favorite "God has a plan for you." I seriously wanted to punch them all. I knew they were all trying to be helpful but I didn't want their help, I just wanted my babies back. I was so jealous of every pregnant woman or even mommy I saw. All I wanted to do was have my babies back to hold them tight. They were real to me and not just "fetuses" or "products of conception." The one thing I read was that I might not have had the chance to carry them in my arms, but they lived in my body and I carried them for as long as I could and that's just as valid as carrying Xavier for 9 months. As for going back to work, I was able to ask for short-term disability and that was the best thing I could've done. Obviously they can't give you maternity leave, but perhaps the could arrange a personal leave of absence or a STD temporary leave. I went back to work the next day after the D&C and was an utter basket case. For me, I went to my sister's place in California for two weeks and just vegged out and let someone else do all the worrying. I know you obviously cannot do that with two other children, but start by having someone intercept your mail for a little while. Those shower invitations aren't really helping you, just reminding you of what happened. Maybe you could ask your husband to get the mail and keep those invitations seperate and you can deal with them later. You are NOT selfish. This is a loss, one that is as legitimate as if another child (heaven-forbid) or the loss of a spouse. DO NOT FEEL GUILTY for being sad about losing her or let anyone tell you should be over it. I cannot believe your mom said you should be over it. That's just horrible and cruel. You never get over the loss of a child, you need to mourn Evelyn's loss in your own way. It does get better, though I can absolutely give you that hope. Cry and cry and know its ok, how ever long it takes for you to miss her and cry for the loss of her life, her potential. Her soul is and always will be with you. I'm not a spiritual person, but I honestly believe that! I went and got a tattoo of a Phoenix (which was rising from the ashes) with two stars for my two lost babies so that I would always have a physical reminder of them being here with me, even if it was for a short time. I'm glad you named her. I was too early to know if I was having a boy or girl so I just called mine Angel and Precious. I cried for days on end, I felt like nothing was ever worth anything and there was no point to even being here. Give yourself time to be a real person who has experienced true and traumatic loss, which is just as real as anyone elses. It takes a while to get back to yourself, but you will get there and it is worth it to try again, and don't forget your Evelyn will be waiting for you someday!!! Blessed Be, Emily

• 11-25-2008 12:54 PM

  In reply to

  Mary T Joined on 11-10-2005 Ryan 5/06, Noah 8/08 & due 10/09 Posts 25

  Re: My baby angel Evelyn Reply Contact I'm so sorry for what you went through.  Losing a child is the most unnatural thing of all.  Do not feel guilty for your feelings, they are normal and natural.  You've been through a very tragic event.  I don't agree with your mom that you should be over it by now.  Losing a child isn't something that I think anyone gets over.  Maybe acceptance is a better word but you'll always miss baby Evelyn.  Always.  Not a day goes by that you don't think of her I bet. Do these people who are sending you baby shower invitations know what you've been through???  That is the last place you need to be.  I had 3 m/cs (one at 11 weeks and two at 5-6 weeks) last year and I was very depressed and felt like my body was totally messed up.  I was very angry at myself even though I know I did nothing wrong.  The first one was more sad to me I think bc I was farther along and I saw the hb and I felt my belly grow).  Something that kind of made me feel better was this -- one night I was crying really hard and was telling a friend how guilty I felt that I lost the baby and how I wished I could apologize to the baby.  He said something that really touched me.  He said that the baby knew how sorry I was and how sad I was that the baby didn't have a shot bc the baby was a part of me and knew.  I know it sounds a little cheesy but I think it's true.  I think the baby I lost knew how much I loved her and how much we wanted her.  I know your baby Evelyn knows too.  After my 3 m/cs I was really upset and felt very lost.  I felt like my arms physically ached for another baby.  I already had a son (who was born very small due to placenta and cord issues) who I was grateful for but I wanted more children.  I got pregnant a year ago and had my second son, Noah, 3 months ago.  He's perfect and wonderful and I love him so much.  His name means peace and comfort which is what he brings to me and my soul.  If he was a girl, he probably would have been Hope bc I felt like I had lost a lot of hope along the way.  It was a very scary pregnancy and I thought he was going to die every day but he didn't.  He had no idea of my fragile emotions, he was just working on getting big and strong.  When I delivered him and heard him scream, it was probably the best moment of my life.  I wish you luck and hope you are doing OK.  I hope the TTC is going OK and that you'll have a healthy, happy baby in your arms next year.  Again, I'm very sorry you lost your baby girl. Mary

• 12-05-2008 11:18 PM

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  Amynelovesyou090908 Joined on 08-26-2008 Du Quoin, Il Posts 11

  Re: My baby angel Evelyn Reply Contact i Am Very Sorry for your loss. And i agree with the other women who have replyed to you. You will never GET OVER your loss and you should tell your mom that she hurt you and explain to her how you feel about her hurtful words. One day you may come to Accept your loss but it will always be there. In May 2006 I had a M/C at 16 weeks. My ex Pushed down a flight of stairs and i lost our child. For me it was a Blessing in disguise. I Left my Ex and I went Back to my Home town Married a Man i had known (and Loved) For 7 Years. We Tried for several months to get preganant, then we found out that my chances of Concieving a child were 3-7 % Slim Chances i know, But We Prayed Alot and Then When We finally Gave up, We found out i was Pregnant. I am Greatful For my Blessing and i Hope that soon You will Find Solice in Knowing that God( Or Your Chosen Higher Power) Took Your Blessed Child Up To Be With Them Not To Punish You or Make you Feel As though you Don't Deserve Her, But to Keep Her From Having What Could have been a Very Painful and Life of Poor quality. As For People Sending you Invites to Baby showers, If you Know Someone is Expecting Have your husband or a Close Friend Contact them and Kindly Ask them Not to Send you an Invite, Make sure that the Freind Lets the People Know that you Are Going through a Rough time and Explain The Ordeal you are Experiencing And that you Send best wishes and That it is nothing Personal Just that you need some time. Also If People around you Are Speaking about things that Bring back memories Politely ask them to Stop until you are no longer there and if they refuse, them Remove yourself from the Conversation. You Are Not being Selfish You are Giving Yourself Time to Adjust to What has happend to you and You Deserve the Upmost Respect in that Aspect. My Last bit of advice is to Call Your Local Counseling Center and See if there is anyone you can speak to, Sometimes talking to Soemone that is Not directly involved in your everyday life can help. They may also Know of a support group in your area where you can Speak to Other Women or couples who have been through the same thing. I hope this Helps you in Some Way even if it only Provides Some Info For you. I Hope and Pray that You Find Peace and Best of Luck in Returning to Work. Amy Rene` P.S. And Remember that you are Blessed With two Heathly children that Love you unconditionally and Need you.

• 01-30-2009 7:23 PM

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  madilynsmommy Joined on 01-31-2009 Posts 1

  Re: My baby angel Evelyn Reply Contact I just lost my first baby on 12/10/2008. We named her Madilyn Nicole. I was 27 weeks when I hadn't felt her move in a day or two so I went to the doctor and received the worst news of my life. Later my doctors told me that she had crimped her umbilical cord. It was wrapped around her stomach and her neck. I was in labor for almost 2 days. It's the hardest thing I've ever been through in my whole life, I'm only 21. I am having a horrible time as well. My best friend is 16 weeks pregnant and I know (not even kidding) 12 people who are expecting babies. Most are good friends from high school, a few are cousins, and my boss as well. Most of them are due in March (when I was) and 2 are even due the exact same day as me! It's very hard for me because I also work with my best friend and she loves to talk about her baby. I only took 4 weeks off of work and I have went home early once in the last month I have went back. It's getting harder for me as well. You shouldn't be over it already. There's this poem I've read and it says, "Healing is something ongoing, I feel it will take a life time." and I agree with that! I feel like I have changed and I will never ever be the same again and I doubt anyone would be the same after going through something so heartbreaking as we have. I know how you feel about the baby shower thing too. My friend keeps hinting about a baby shower for her. She wants me to throw her one. She keeps saying that she doesn't know who would do it for her and that her mom said that is something mom's don't do and she also reminds me that she was going to throw me one. So, in a way i feel obligated to. I'm currently trying to conceive as well. Have you had any luck?

• 02-09-2009 8:35 AM

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  HootchyMumma Joined on 11-18-2008 Westchester, NY Posts 38

  Re: My baby angel Evelyn Reply Contact My heart goes out to you. I wish I didn't know how you feel, but I do. I lost my darling baby 10 days ago. I was 17 weeks. I have been blessed with supportive friends and family and most of all an understanding and loving husband. I want to start trying again NOW. I know that is not possible, and that it won't erradicate all the pain I am feeling, but I am just desperate to be a mum. We tried for 6 yrs to concieve, and this was the 1st time we had. i am 39 and runninng out of time. The only addvice I can offer is looking into a Perinatal bereavement support group. Ask your local hospital if they have one, or look online. I have not been to one of the groups yet as they only meet once a month, but the coordinator was kind enough to meet us privetly and give us lots of support liturature, and has callled a couple of times to see how I am doing. I hope you conceive again soon. Lisa

• 02-09-2009 8:58 AM

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  tismeac24 Joined on 01-25-2009 Posts 17

  Re: My baby angel Evelyn Reply Contact You are NOT alone I had my baby 9 years ago in April and think about him still and even have moments he was my first and I had him at 21 week and my mom left me at the hospital alone with my husband I was 18 years old and we had no clue what to do or expect and to this day my mom does not forgive herself nor do I. As a parent you know you dont want to see your child hurting and YOU need to tell her tears and all that she does not understand and she CANT fix it and you will hurt for the rest of your life and the only thing you need from her is for her to hold you while you cry and NOT say ANYTHING!!! The hard part for me is 9 years later I am know Pregnant 21 week today and I just found out its a boy. My heart is hurting and I want this baby so bad but I'm so scared.What got me thruogh is my loving husband who let me have as much time any time I need to greve. My baby Christopher 's head stone is two and a half hours away from where we live know and every b-day I get balloons and send them straight up to him and still sit a his head stone it is alot better I can think about him without crying sometime but that is my baby. God know what he is doing I know have beautiful TWIN daughter 5 and I truly and blessed everything will work out for you just give yourself time. Good luck

• 03-28-2009 6:48 PM

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  Sheree1127 Joined on 03-28-2009 Pittsburgh Posts 14

  Re: My baby angel Evelyn Reply Contact I am so sorry to hear of your loss. And I felt so connected to your story because our stories are so similiar. I also have 2 healthy children, and just found out yesterday that I lost baby #3. I was only 12 wks, but I had been spotting since late Feb. I have been to OB appointments, the ER, and had emergency ultra sounds done. Everyone said they could see no reason for the little bit of spotting. I was scheduled for a 2nd ultra sound, and I was shocked when I was told that my baby no longer had a heart beat. Now Im faced with the toughest decision of my life, whether to let nature take its course, or get a d&c. I have never been through this before, & wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy! I have no idea how this all plays out in the end, but I do know that you should grieve for as long as it takes to heal. If you feel as though you need to vent or like you can help me in any way, please feel free to email me at ree1127@yahoo.com

  Filed under: And this to shall pass!

• 04-30-2009 1:27 AM

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  cshafer04 Joined on 01-08-2004 Allen, Texas Posts 35

  Re: My baby angel Evelyn Reply Contact My heart goes out to you big time, i m/c in december i was 17 weeks and had to give birth it sucked!!! i have 2 healthy growing girls but i wanted another, i felt really guilty that it seemed i didnt appreciate what god had given me! tears were an everyday occurence with me also, but my fiance has been my lifeline and kept telling me all we have to do is keep "practicing" bc practice makes perfect lol. but now me and my fiance found out last week we are expecting baby # 3 i am 6 weeks along. i am sooo scared but i hope all will be well with this one! i just keep praying and tellng thebaby how much it is loved already and wanted here! My best advice is the quit "trying" persay and let nature take its course!!! thats what i did and TADA BABY!!! keep your head up hun. Candi

• 05-03-2009 4:48 PM

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  shahwar Joined on 02-23-2009 Posts 10

  Re: My baby angel Evelyn Reply Contact iam very sorry for u Ginny. i just want to share u ur feeling, thanks for all ladies there words help me also. let nature take its way. i had m/c also since 6 months i was at 12 week i think it was aBoy i and my hb called him Sokomonos it is not a name but a kid, now i lost him i missed him alot as ababy and as amom some times i cry alot and feel depressed don't know why, but the fact that i miss all feeling related to my pregnancy. iam ttc since six months , and at this month i missed my period for 3 days u know i was sooooo happy anf feel 7 think as iam pregnant, then suddenly i waked up from my dream by feelin strong pelvic colics and it comes agian. u know it is very long time to wait and ttc for one and two and three and to take medical advice, but when i heard about ones who losts their baby after birth or after 36 week of gestation, i feel that God love me alot , know how iam fragile and can't bear. so as other beuty ladies said that u will live ur life , u can do it, u will be okey, but it is just atime to take, try to give ur mind to work. do any thing u like , don't sit alone, don't try plez it is soooooo hard time to sit alone and think and cry . pray to Allah always will help u and me and all ladies with brokenheart, good luck, Shahwar.

• 06-08-2009 6:47 AM

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  RETHA3211558 Joined on 06-08-2009 Posts 6

  Re: My baby angel Evelyn Reply Contact I am very sorry to hear about your loss. When I read your message, I could feel my own pain, and feel just like you. I have lost my baby exactly 1 month ago. I was 6 months pregnant. I had a healthy pregnancy and went for a scan and as the dr. could still not see the sex of the baby, he send my to someone with a better and more high tech scan machine. Once we were there, the lady picked up there was something wrong with my baby's head and back. We found out it was a girl(we really wanted a girl) and she was diagnosed with a spinabiffida. Basically she had a big hole in her back which would result in her being paralised at birth, no bladder control and she would also have ben meantally disabled due to her brain already being efeected by this and that is why her hear was too small. I was traumatised even after 3 specialists have told me the same thing and all told me to terminate the pregnancy. they said chances that she will live will be slim. It was the hardest decision I have ever had to make and after many tears and many priars, I went into hospital. I went thorugh the normal labor process and it was horrible as I knew that i was ending her life. It's been 1 month and I cannot stop crying and cannot look at pregnant women or see little babies. I also feel like I am being selfish but I cannot help that. I have been goign to counselling with my husband every week and it seems to work as I could not bear to leave the house and I actually just came back to work again. I really miss my baby and just want to hold her one more time. I get really bad nightmares and cannot sleep yet. I feel angry that I could not keep her as I did everything I was supposed to do and ate all the right things and took all of the right vitamins. They said that she had the spinabiffida due to a lack of folic acid(and I took the tablets everyday). Please, Please remember to take this as it might safe your babie's life in the end. It is just nice to know that there are more people out there that feels like me.

• 06-29-2009 12:58 AM

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  pearl3271711 Joined on 05-30-2009 Posts 3

  Re: My baby angel Evelyn Reply Contact Hi Ginny, i am new to this board but when i read your story i had to respond. i also have two healthy children but i have also had two miscarriages and lost a child at 19 wks of preg. I named my son Teak, that was two years ago and i felt like my world had ended. i literally have no memory of my life for the two months after that. all i know is one day my oldest daughter came to me and said "mommy you have to get up, there is still two of us that need you to live", i haven't stopped moving since then. the first birthday was the hardest for me though, i took the day off work and spent it at my son's grave, i took him flowers and baked a cake and just talked to him. the 2nd b-day was a little easier but not by much. my mother told me to cry and cry often, just let it out because it never goes away. she lost her first child 55 years ago (had 7 after her) and she still celebrates her birthday, my mom says every year will be different, if you feel like crying just do that, if you feel like celebrating do that too. that was a part of you and its gone now but there is hope. after two years im now preg again, this time with a litte girl and im 32 wks yeasterday actually, i was on pins and needles until i got to 20 wks and then i took a breath. after my miscarriages and after i lost my son i found that my preg friends didnt invite me to their showers, i guess to spare me the pain but it actually hurt worst not to go because i felt forgotten and left out. but that was me, you'll know when you're ready to join in. I can not believe your mom said you should be over her by now, THAT'LL NEVER HAPPEN, but eventually it will get easier. i do still cry, my mom still cries even after all this time and its ok to cry. just dont give up, there are still two more depending on you. you'll conceive again when your body is ready and like me that may take a while, so in the meantime and in between time cherish the two you have, clelebrate the one you lost, enjoy every minute of every day (even crying can be helpful at times) and when you finally get preg again, slow down, relax, be happy and good luck.

• 08-11-2009 1:04 PM

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  Rae3495797 Joined on 08-11-2009 Posts 2

  Re: My baby angel Evelyn Reply Contact I am soooo very sorry for your loss. It does seem like it gets harder as time goes on but ithat has to happen in order for you to heal. I don't agree with your mother, if you were over what happened already there would be something wrong. People who have never had this happen to them can't understand what it's like. They try, but they don't get it. I lost my little girl who was born December 20th 2008. She was two days shy of 24 weeks. We had named her Ashlynn Marie. It's hard because you feel like you have failed in some way. That there might have been something different you could have done. I know I did. She was stillborn and the doctors have no idea what happened. I was hospitalized for 4 days and went into labor 2 days into that. We held her and kissed her. Dressed her in the tiniest little clothes. It's the hardest thing anyone can go through. Don't feel selfish, those other people are the ones who are selfish. Alomst a year later I can barely bring myself to attend my best friends babyshower. I have not been trying again. But maybe you will in time. I know words like, " you can always have another one" or " It was God's Will". Do not help what so ever. Nothing anyone says will make it go away. But she will forever be in your heart. Celebrate her. Remember the good memories. My friend wrote me a poem dedicated to my baby girl. Find something like that and put it in a little memory chest....That is what helps me cope. Hope these words are helpfull. My prayers are with you.