Never imagined...

• 11-16-2009 5:00 PM

  fab-mom Joined on 06-09-2006 Hazel Green, AL *Mommy to Tallulah & 1 angel baby* Posts 258

  Never imagined... Reply Contact that it was going to get as bad as it did.  As most of you know I was told at about 5 weeks that my pregnancy wasn't viable. About 5 weeks after that I started spotting. Last Thursday I decided to help the process along and take the prescription of cytotec my doctor had gave me. Although the bleeding and cramps picked up it never got bad all through Thursday and friday. I thought maybe I had reabsorbed all of it. Oh boy was I mistaken.  I will leave out all the details but Saturday morning I woke up feeling totally exhausted and drained. i figured it was the physical and emotional toll i had been going through the past month or so. I ended up going back to bed and getting up around 2 to get ready for a birthday party. That is when it all started. :( I ended up in the ER because the amount of blood far exceeded what they say should happen(The 1 pad an hour thing...yeah right...more like 1 pad every 10 minutes!) . Lost conciousness, got sick while I was passed out, jerked the IV out of my arm when I fell over and lost even more blood. I ended up actually passing the baby after I got there and they got it and are testing it. It was such an awful AWFUL experience. I don't know if I can ever bring myself to go through it again :( I thought on Firday that that was it...that it wasn't that bad and that if it did happen again I would be ok but now I just don't know. We are going to wait until I heal physically and emotionally from this before we even discuss trying again. I cried all night. It was like a fresh wound. I guess there was still hope while I still had my baby with me. I don't know...my emotions are everywhere. I had nightmares about being blind and not being able to see my bbay after it was born. i don't know if it would have helped to ask to see it or not. I think my nightmares would just have been different if I had.....   I'm going into my regular doctor tomorrow to double check and make sure everything is gone but am still in so much pain and so SICK of people asking me stupid questions. No my doctor isn't a quack. *I* did not want the D&C and that is MY choice!! Just because you had one and everything was fine doesn't mean it is right for everyone and I REALLY don't want to hear about it at this point or how stupid I am for doing it this way...I am just sick of people all together :( Sorry this got so long. I needed to just get it out and vent.

• 11-16-2009 5:12 PM

  In reply to

  Mizzstartzman7709 Joined on 11-11-2008 ~GA~Alyssa 1/12/06 angel 10/27/09 EDD 9/19/10 Posts 258

  Re: Never imagined... Reply Contact  I'm sorry that you had to go through that, and the pain:( Lots of hugs! I guess this means you will be leaving the TTC board for awhile? I still feel very attached to the baby that I had inside even though I was so early on(almost 5wks) I can't even imagine what it would be like further along. I had alot of pain the day that it happened, some clots, but I can't imagine. I guess I'm at a loss for words really. I am very sad some days and then some I'm so angry, and I just don't feel like myself or the the same person that I always was since it happened. I understand that some move on faster than others and some deal with it different. I'm naturally a very sensitive and emotional person. It's taken a toll on my mentally, but I've tried to do things to not think about it, but watching all the BFP's. I don't know it just kills me inside. I'll be out of town for Thanksgiving and that will keep me away from the boards for several days, and I'm doing my best of staying away alittle more. Hugs mama!

• 11-16-2009 5:36 PM

  In reply to

  fab-mom Joined on 06-09-2006 Hazel Green, AL *Mommy to Tallulah & 1 angel baby* Posts 258

  Re: Never imagined... Reply Contact Thank you so much for responding so quickly. I don't know what I would do without you ladies and these boards. I think I will stay in touch and post because I just enjoy talking to everyone and seeing all the BFP's but we won't actively be trying. Not for a while anyways. This is all so fresh in my mind and it was seriously so bad that the fear of it happening again would probably be enough to cause it to happen again. That is what I'm scared of anyways. I'm scared of everything at this point. :(

• 11-16-2009 6:55 PM

  In reply to

  Amber05 Joined on 05-13-2004 South Dakota, Lorena-4, Everett-3, 3 Angel Babies Posts 188

  Re: Never imagined... Reply Contact I am so sorry. You have every right to be upset and no one should make you feel bad for the decisions you made. Luckily, my dr's were very supportive. I kept all the information away from my in-laws becuase they are such bad people. They don't allow me to have a good day. I dont' know what else to say but that I am sorry. My 1st m/c experience started like yours, but luckily I didn't have to go in to the ER. It was scary though. (((HUGS))) Let me know if you need to talk.

• 11-17-2009 9:21 AM

  In reply to

  Love_being_mommy_23 Joined on 06-18-2004 due 6/5 ***BOY #3*** Posts 1,025	Re: Never imagined... Reply Contact Oh hun..... I am so sorry to hear about how this ended. It is your body and your choice and dont let anyones opinions affect how you feel. You did what is right for you and as a women we all deal with these issues differently. I pray for you my dear.

• 11-17-2009 9:56 AM

  In reply to

  Jenna3595488 Joined on 10-28-2009 Prince Posts 769

  Re: Never imagined... Reply Contact FIRST, LET ME SAY I AM SOOO SOOO SORRY FOR YOUR LOSS & THIS HORRIBLE EXPERIENCE.. I HOPE THAT YOU CAN MAKE IT THROUGH THIS & EMTIONALLY BE ABLE TO RECOVER. WHEN I WAS ONLY 18 I LOST A BABY AT 6 WKS. DIDN'T PASS THE BABY UNTIL 10 WKS.. I TOO COULDN'T BARE THE THOUGHT OF A D&C, IT JUST WASN'T FOR ME EITHER.. SO ONCE I FINALLY PASSED THE BABY IT WAS HORRIBLE.. I LOST SO MUCH BLEED AT HOME THAT I PASSED OUT TRYING TO GO BACK TO BED.. I WAS RUSHED TO THE HOSPITAL BY MY MOTHER WHO IS A RN, SHE SAID THEY WHOLE WAY THERE I WAS SHAKING.. GOT THERE & I WAS BLEEDING SO MUCH THEY COULDN'T KEEP THE SHEETS, HOSPITAL CLOTHES DRY... IT WAS AWFUL, EVENTUALLY I HAD TO BE TAKING TO THE OR FOR A D&C AGAINST MY WISHES BECAUSE THE BLEEDING HAD TO BE STOPPED. I WAS GIVEN BLOOD & PUT ON IV'S. I STAYED IN THE HOSPITAL FOR 2 DAYS. THEN ALMOST EXACTLY A YEAR LATER I LOST MY SON AT 20 WKS.. THEY WERE UNABLE TO TELL ME WHAT HAPPENED EVEN AFTER MANY TEST, ALL I GOT WAS I SIMPLY WENT INTO EARLY LABOR. I DID NOT GET TO SEE HIM BECAUSE ONCE AGAIN I WAS BLEEDING SO BADLY I PASSED OUT.. SO NOW I AM PREGNANT AGAIN && IM 15 WKS.. SEPT 25TH WAS 2 YEARS SINCE I LOST MY SON.. IT TOOK ME SO LONG TO BE ABLE TO SIMPLY COPE WITH IT ALL.. DF & I ARE VERY EXCITED THIS TIME AROUND BUT NOW THAT I'M GETTING CLOSE TO MY 20TH WEEK MY NERVES ARE GETTING THE BEST OF ME && I TRUELY WORRY OF THE SAME EXPERIENCE HAPPENING AGAIN. I WAS SO TOUCH BY YOUR STORY BECAUSE IT SOUNDS SO MUCH LIKE MINE & I WANT YOU TO KNOW I'VE BEEN THERE TOO & YOUR NOT ALONE.. MY ONLY ADVICE TO YOU IS TO TAKE TIME TO LET YOURSELF HEAL PHYSICALLY & MENTALLY.. && REMEMBER EACH PREGNANCY IS DIFFERENT.. YOU CAN OVER COME THIS JUST AS I HAVE BUT THE FEAR & HEART ACHE WILL ALWAYS BE WITH YOU, THAT WAS YOUR BABY REGARDLESS... I HOPE THAT YOU FIND PEACE WITH THIS & GO ON TO HAVE A HEALTHY PREGNANCY IN THE FUTURE. IF YOU NEED ANYTHING PLEASE LET ME KNOW. && BTW DON'T LET PEOPLE GET TO YOU, THEY ARE JUST STUPID TO WHAT ACTUALLY HAPPENED.. NOBODY WHO HASN'T BEEN THROUGH THIS QUITE UNDERSTANDS.. JUST IGNORE THEM!

• 11-17-2009 1:15 PM

  In reply to

  fab-mom Joined on 06-09-2006 Hazel Green, AL *Mommy to Tallulah & 1 angel baby* Posts 258

  Re: Never imagined... Reply Contact  Thank you so much Jenna! Your post truly made me feel better. Everyones did. I am so sorry for your losses and your experiences. That had to be truly awful. I pray that you deliver a happy and healthy baby!!   I am actually feeling so much better today. I woke up and felt just...better Physically and emotionally. I also went to my regular doctor and everything had in fact passed so thankfully I do not have to have a D&C. He said to wait a month and try again. I said...um..yeah no. He said he understood feeling that way and just take it one day at a time.

• 11-17-2009 1:27 PM

  In reply to

  Jenna3595488 Joined on 10-28-2009 Prince Posts 769

  Re: Never imagined... Reply Contact i think a month is too soon, well atleast it was for me.. && we seem to have very similar experiences & thoughts on the matter.. but i do think that once you have over come the feeling that you should try again forsure. Maybe once the hoildays have passed & all that stress goes away it will be easier & by summer you can try again? it's completely up to you honestly.. a friend of mine had a loss & was prego again 7 wks later. So take your time, heal & try again when your ready! Hope you feel much better && i'm glad to here that everything passed wthout having a D&C!

• 11-17-2009 2:21 PM

  In reply to

  fab-mom Joined on 06-09-2006 Hazel Green, AL *Mommy to Tallulah & 1 angel baby* Posts 258

  Re: Never imagined... Reply Contact  Thank you again!! Is it normal to flip flop back and forth? I would LOVE another baby and hate to think of waiting...but then I hate to think of this happening again. I just don't know. My mind is EVERYWHERE!! Maybe I should just put it in Gods hands. That might be a good thing....cause I don't think I can make the decision...I'm just so crazy and hormonal right now. Maybe I will just let God decide. Who knows. I definitely like your idea of waiting until at least the holidays are over! We will be traveling for Christmas and I will be quitting my job and it is going to be a big transition at the first of the year. I think I should get through that before adding anything to my plate...   Lol. I'm totally talking it out to myself in my post. It helps though...

• 11-17-2009 3:40 PM

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  BrandyGracieandbean Joined on 05-11-2007 Stockton, California Posts 96

  Re: Never imagined... Reply Contact I am so sory you are going through all of this,. It is so hard. I m/c in August at 10w4d, the babystopped growing at7w3d. At 7w2d I had an ultrasound showing a baby with a heartbeat. I was able to pass everything naturally without going to the hospital. I personally wanted to start ttc immediately. I had my first af 6 weeks after teh m/c and then got preggo again in October. By my calculations I should be about 6w4d. I have been having regular labs and my dr is watching me closely. Last friday they sent me for an ultrasound.And I was told, "there is nothing in there honey, go home and be prepared to bleed." I was told this by a nurse. I had my levels drawn on Sunday and they were up to 6341. Dr had another u/s done and low and behold a gestational sac and yolk sac. I have been on the biggest emotional roller coaster of my life in the last 4 days. This morning I woke up to brown spotting and mild cramps. It was brown and the dr thinks it is from the transvaginal ultrasound. I now don't go back for another 4 weeks for another u/s and prenatal visit. I don't know whether to cry or be happy. This is all so stressful for me. It sucks that we have to go through all this.

• 11-18-2009 7:17 AM

  In reply to

  Jenna3595488 Joined on 10-28-2009 Prince Posts 769

  Re: Never imagined... Reply Contact Very normal to go back & forth esp so soon after it happens because you body still wants to be pregnant ya know.. & in your mind you have already been planning out the whole pregnancy for it to just end is confusing... i was the same way.. but i was so tramatized i just couldn't allow it to happen again. but i don't think everyone is like.. My friend jsut recently lost her's as well.. she was 9 wks but the baby only measured 6 wks.. && she badly wants another one asap. So everyone is different.. but def. with all that goin on i'd wait until the beginning of the year because you want to be as settled & stress free as possible being that you will already be freaked out about another pregnancy [[ regardless of how long you wait ]].. good luck in whatever you choose & keep me updated (: feel free to PM me anytime i'd love to know how your doing..

• 11-18-2009 7:23 AM

  In reply to

  Jenna3595488 Joined on 10-28-2009 Prince Posts 769

  Re: Never imagined... Reply Contact BrandyGracieandbean: I am so sory you are going through all of this,. It is so hard. I m/c in August at 10w4d, the babystopped growing at7w3d. At 7w2d I had an ultrasound showing a baby with a heartbeat. I was able to pass everything naturally without going to the hospital. I personally wanted to start ttc immediately. I had my first af 6 weeks after teh m/c and then got preggo again in October. By my calculations I should be about 6w4d. I have been having regular labs and my dr is watching me closely. Last friday they sent me for an ultrasound.And I was told, "there is nothing in there honey, go home and be prepared to bleed." I was told this by a nurse. I had my levels drawn on Sunday and they were up to 6341. Dr had another u/s done and low and behold a gestational sac and yolk sac. I have been on the biggest emotional roller coaster of my life in the last 4 days. This morning I woke up to brown spotting and mild cramps. It was brown and the dr thinks it is from the transvaginal ultrasound. I now don't go back for another 4 weeks for another u/s and prenatal visit. I don't know whether to cry or be happy. This is all so stressful for me. It sucks that we have to go through all this. omg i'm so sorry your having such a hard time.. that nurse should not have said that! I would have flipped out regardless of if she was telling the truth or not that was rude.. thankfully she was wrong though.. i hope you get to feeling better & if it makes you stress a little less i bleed some after my vaginal u/s as well i think it's normal.. mind you it freaked me out as well i was 8 wks 3 days when it happened with my 3rd pregnancy & i lost the other 2 so i was freaking.. but i'm almost 16 wks now so it was fine.. i think you should just be calm [[ easier said than done i know ]] & try to relax if the bleeding continues go to the er & they will check you asap.. your insurance should cover it.. good luck!

• 11-19-2009 7:37 AM

  In reply to

  fab-mom Joined on 06-09-2006 Hazel Green, AL *Mommy to Tallulah & 1 angel baby* Posts 258

  Re: Never imagined... Reply Contact  I am so so sorry you are going through that Brandygracieandbean! I know it is basically impossible to do but try to relax and I am sending prayers that you get an amazing result on your ultrasound in 4 weeks!!   I think I have decided that if I do get pregnant again that I will not be going for an ultrasound until 12 weeks. :( I figure by then if I am going to miscarry it would happen and I wouldn't have to spend another 5-6 weeks on the emotional roller coaster that I went on and that you are going through now. I have prenatal vitimens alreadya nd will take those and just wait.