My evil 9 year old!

• 11-16-2005 12:16 PM

  Rosie2929 Joined on 12-05-2004 Chicago, IL Posts 1

  My evil 9 year old! Reply Contact Hello everyone. Saw a few moms on here from the mom's of multiples (hi!). I am also a mom of twin boys. They are going to be 4 months at the end of the month. I also have a 9 year old. She isn't a teen, but (holy mother!), she might as well be. I am exhusted! I am beyond fed up. She is such a bright child, and since the boys were born, has been acting out. She is a bully. Always craving attention. I had a phone conference with her teacher the other day, her teacher sees this change in her, and notices she has been craving this extra attention. So she gives it to her, but it's not enough!. We give a little and she wants more and more. So then her attention turns to negative attention because she then does things she isn't suppose to. I made a pack with her, and said "fine, I am not going to ground you, spank you, take your toys, pull you from your afterschool activities, but instead, you continue to act up and pull these stunts, you will break your word to me and dissapoint me. That is way more important than anything in the world." I thought it was genius, and thought that might actual work. We shared some tears, and she made her word. The next two weeks, she came home from school with a piece of candy. She told me her teacher gave it to her for being so good. Now she knows she isn't allowed to eat candy, since her dental bills where going through the roof. But here I was thinking she was being good, so I let her have that candy that she brought home for behaving so well in class. So talking to her teacher, that came up. COme to find out, it was all a lie. The teacher never gave her that candy. It was a lie she came up with to not only get that candy, BUT to make me think she was behaving. Smart kid! So now she back to her old self again. I don't trust her around the boys, when she gets in trouble, she has no symphathy. She just doesn't care. She is out of control, and I just don't know what to do anymore. I want to give her that positive attention and spend that quality time with her, but she makes it so hard when she is so bad. Sorry for rambling on... Rosie

• 11-17-2005 10:18 AM

  In reply to

  CynsMommyof3 Joined on 02-12-2003 Delaware Posts 137

  Re: My evil 9 year old! Reply Contact My daughter is 10...will be 11 in February. She is also a smart child and doesn't really do anything bad...just careless and unthinking. She has always been generous with her time when it comes to her little sisters, and dh and I each have a date with her once a week. Individually. I will take her out shopping with me Friday night and he'll do something with her Saturdays before I go to work. When you say "extra" attention, do you mean one on one time without the babies interrupting...without there even being a chance of them interrupting? She might be feeling resentful and left out because you have to spend so much time with the babies. I know you don't want to take stuff away from her, but you need to make an impression on her. Just saying that you would be disappointed isn't enough...there has to be a physical consequence...be it taking about toys, playtime or something else. There needs to be something that will make her say "hmm, maybe I won't do that anymore". Good luck...I hope you find, what Dr Phil calls, her currency.

• 11-29-2005 3:59 PM

  In reply to

  bldnblondenmore Joined on 01-22-2004 Cornelius, OR Posts 4,067

  Re: My evil 9 year old! Reply Contact I agree with the other post.  I have a 9 year old boy and he is ADHD so definitely a handful.  Kids know how to manipulate that is for sure.  I used to use empty threats towards him and when I met my husband when my son was almost 5 he showed me the way LOL.  Not to mention he is on a better medication but he is still a kid and still does normal kids stuff.  If he is doing something unacceptable then I definitely take something away or ground him.  That usually gets through to him.  It is hard because he will freak out about it but then he realizes that he isn't going to get his way no matter how huge of a fit the throws.  Keep communicating with her that is important I try to explain everything to him about the baby (have a 6 month old) it is very hard on them when they are used to being the only child and boom they are now sharing your time.  I hope you find something that works out I know how stressed out you must be with two babies and an older child pushing your buttons. Karrie

• 01-11-2006 4:56 AM

  In reply to

  MissMesi Joined on 01-10-2006 England, UK Posts 7

  Re: My evil 9 year old! Reply Contact I think, to me anyway, it sounds like your daughter cares a lot. Of course she doesn't care about getting you upset - after all she has your attention then you see. But the fact that she is going out of her way to do naughty things, indicates that she is simply trying to find a way of recieving any attention at all. I think what we as parents often forget to do, is make a fuss over our kids when they are being good. A cycle of bad behaviour makes it such that when the kids are actually doing something quiet, or nice, we tend to just sit back and think "ahh finally a minute's peace!" - and yes we do get those moments you know, even if we don't feel like we do! Perhaps when your daughter does something even remotely nice, or helpful, make sure she knows that is the sure fire way of getting your attention. It sounds like you have your handsful with the twins, any baby demands more time but times two - oh what a brave Mommy you are! *smiles* Just remember inside that little girl of yours is still your sweet loving child who just wants to be number one again - and of course she still is! Good luck, and above all there are others here who understand and support you on this one!