In a tough spot...

• 09-25-2009 9:00 PM

  Paul3546104 Joined on 09-26-2009 Posts 2

  In a tough spot... Reply Contact Hello, I'm 22 and a college senior. I just broke up with my girlfriend of 2 and a half years about three weeks ago. I decided that I did not want to spend the rest of my life with her for various reasons, but didn't have any one good reason to break up with her. Anyways, I just received a call today from my ex telling me she is pregnant. She took two pregnancy tests, both positive. Her and I are planning to see the doctor on Monday (we are separated by an hour and a half drive). I am really in a tough spot now. I am a caring individual, and I really want what is best for the child. What am I supposed to do here? "Man up" and marry my ex? I would be potentially trapped in an unfulfilling relationship. Put the child up for adoption? That would be almost an easy way out, and I can't trust anyone else to raise MY child. Abortion? Pretty much out of the question, I can't even hurt a bug. Plus it's morally and ethically wrong. Any input is greatly appreciated. I'm doing my best to remain calm and in contact with my ex for support.

• 09-25-2009 10:18 PM

  In reply to

  brittani2870156 Joined on 06-12-2008 Posts 35	Re: In a tough spot... Reply Contact I think if the issues between you guys can be worked out that its at least worth a shot but if a relationship is forced it will sooner or later fall apart just take it one day at a time for now until you find out more from the doctor its good to hear you are being responsible you sound like a good guy ... Good luck with everything!

• 09-26-2009 5:31 AM

  In reply to

  olsonbr Joined on 05-19-2005 Lily 10/3/06, Gaby 8/9/08, ^5^ Posts 56

  Re: In a tough spot... Reply Contact Paul- You certainly have a lot of new questions to answer. My advice is do not marry her just because of your child together. My brother in law and his girlfriend (both in their 40's) were together for just over 2 years and about to end their relationship when they discovered they were expecting. My brother in law stressed very much over this as his mother is very controlling... even at his age... and does not like his girlfriend. He's a good guy and wanted to do what he felt was best for his child. Now his little boy is 1 1/2 years old. He's miserable. He's had a heart attack and has panic attacks often. He bought a house for his girlfriend and child and her previous 2 children to live in... he was supposed to too but lives between there and his parents house because he can't stand up to his mother that he was actually going to move in with his girlfriend. But what's really terrible is that he never worked out the issues he and his girlfriend were originally going to break up over before the pregnancy and he is miserable trying to do the "right thing". My husband and I are concerned for his health and worry that he won't be there in the future for his son.... which is the whole reason he's putting himself through all of this. I think that the best thing you can do for your child is to love them, be there for them, try your best to work things out with the mother but if it doesn't work- don't force it... you can offer much more to your child and your child will be much happier and well adjusted if you and the mother are happy.. together or not. It'll be ok. Please do not feel trapped. While it may not be the most ideal situation, it's an opportunity to meet and love and raise a little human being that you created. You're main goal is to make that little person happy, safe, secure, and feel loved and you need to make decisions to make yourself happy and right to be able to offer that love and support. Best of luck to you!

• 09-26-2009 10:11 AM

  In reply to

  Paul3546104 Joined on 09-26-2009 Posts 2	Re: In a tough spot... Reply Contact I can't stand to think of my child being raised in a single parent setting. I was brought up by my two loving parents, and I want that for my child as well. I don't mean to be a jackass, but who is going to want to marry a woman bearing or raising MY child? I feel like the only person that can be is me.

• 09-27-2009 6:56 AM

  In reply to

  olsonbr Joined on 05-19-2005 Lily 10/3/06, Gaby 8/9/08, ^5^ Posts 56

  Re: In a tough spot... Reply Contact I understand what you are saying. I wouldn't want my children to grow up without my husband and I together. This is why I said to try your best to give your relationship a good shot. However, think about why you think it's important to be together for your child. It's not the fact they you're together in the same house as much as it is what your child will get out of it. Your child is going to learn by what you show him/her. Will you really love his/her mother. Will you be tender to her, be respectful of her, be a good partner. Your actions toward her... not just living with her with a piece of paper showing you are married... are what are going to show your son how to treat a woman or daughter how a woman should be treated, what a loving relationship is so they know what they want when they grow up and look for a spouse. If it is in your power to make choices to help yourself be happy and whole, I think that is best to be able to show your child how to be a great adult. Not everyone is that lucky. But if you do still love the baby's mother and can make it work and feel fulfilled and happy and want for nothing else, then I say... there is your answer. It's your choice. Don't be silly. She will be ok. It will be a rougher road if you decide to not be together but you'll be there as father of your child to help support your child and that will make it easier. By the way, single mother's date and find new loves, and marry all the time. And yes, there are good men out there that will help raise... maybe even love your child along with his/her mother. Don't make your decision based on that fear. All of this is new to you. Take your time to make the right decisions. Nothing needs to be decided right this second. I also wanted to say that I said the same thing to my husband (boyfriend at the time... 10 years ago, when I was 20 and he was 23) when we had the discussion about "what if we got pregnant". You remind me a lot of him. He said he would have done the "right thing" but I think the "right thing" is to marry for love for each other and being happy together or apart is the best way I could take care of my child. Best wishes and good luck with all of your decisions.