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What should I do?

Last post 11-16-2009 5:19 PM by Mizzstartzman7709. 3 replies.
Page 1 of 1 (4 items)
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  • 11-14-2009 9:58 AM

    • Amber05
    • Not Ranked
    • Joined on 05-13-2004
    • South Dakota, Lorena-4, Everett-3, 3 Angel Babies
    • Posts 188

    What should I do?

    We have had 3 m/c in a year. Luckily we had 2 successful pregnancies before that. We have 1 girl and 1 boy. Of course we are devastated by the losses.

    DH said he is happy with the 2 we have and that he doesn't want to try for a 3rd anymore. I have been back and forth on the subject. I really feel that we aren't done.

    I know that some of my feelings are coming from all the pregnancies around us. There are 4 ladies at work (only 23 employees) and 2 in the family. Yes, I am jealous. I have a right to be. I am hurt. Who wouldn't be?

    Am I being selfish wanting another one? We just discovered I have MTHFR, so I feel like we have an answer at least and that we should keep trying.

    I don't know what to do. I know you all can't give me an answer, I'm just wondering what your thoughts are.
  • 11-14-2009 12:36 PM In reply to

    • olsonbr
    • Not Ranked
    • Joined on 05-19-2005
    • Lily 10/3/06, Gaby 8/9/08, ^8^
    • Posts 82

    Re: What should I do?

    Amber- I know how you feel. It's a difficult decision. You've been very strong to go through what you've been through. I've have 5 m/c and 2 live births in the past 4 years. I've been through all the emotions. I've always just kept on trying. We haven't prevented in 4 years. It's been very hard on us but we can't help but continue to try for the family we've always hoped for... at this point as many as we can be blessed with. We are both 1 of 5 kids and want the same for our children. I was at a friend's home recently (who has 2 children through IVF because of blocked tubes... 2nd child born the day after my most recent D&C) and another close friend of hers was over. This woman had 3 children and she suffered preterm labor with all of them as early as 20 weeks with bedrest during pretty much her entire pregnancies. She said she always wanted 4 children but she and her husband decided they didn't want to put another child at risk. I suddenly felt so guilty... for trying to create the family my husband and I always wanted... I'm creating and risking so many lives. Am I being selfish? I talked to my friend about this and she always knows how to make me feel better. I can't recall exactly what she said but she definitely helped me to see that I want to keep trying. I still have no answers to why my babies don't survive but I'm going to keep trying... I have a great doctor and supportive husband who wants more children too and beautiful babies that motivate me and that I want to give more siblings to :) ... all that's left is to make it happen. Only time will tell. I'm not sure what MTHFR is but I'm glad you have some answers! I think you should do whatever you decide you want. My choice to keep trying, I'm sure, will bring more loss and pain in the future but it'll be worth it in the end. I have had children and know I can have more. I'll never wish we hadn't kept trying... if all we have is more losses... well, my heart is already broken and I'm so glad my girls have each other. But I would always wonder and possibly regret if I didn't keep trying. My feelings seem to change back and forth right when I have my losses but I always come back to trying. Don't feel like you need to make this huge decision right now and if you change your mind, that's ok. Things change... and sometimes for the good :) I'm so sorry for your losses. I wish you luck and you'll be in my thoughts.
  • 11-16-2009 4:42 PM In reply to

    • fab-mom
    • Not Ranked
    • Joined on 06-09-2006
    • Hazel Green, AL *Mommy to Tallulah & 1 angel baby*
    • Posts 258

    Re: What should I do?

    Hi Amber. Like you said I can't really just give you an answer (I really wish I could and ake it ll better for you) but I think for me I would feel like having found out about the MTHR and being able to get help for that now I would have to try again. I hope and pray that no matter what you decide that you get the happiness you deserve!!

  • 11-16-2009 5:19 PM In reply to

    • Mizzstartzman7709
    • Not Ranked
    • Joined on 11-11-2008
    • ~GA~Alyssa 1/12/06 angel 10/27/09 EDD 9/19/10
    • Posts 259

    Re: What should I do?

     I don't feel like you are being selfish for wanting another at all! I have been told many times to not give up. I've had many women share their stories and given me so much hope. I admire your strength for sure, bc to tell you the truth. I am pretty weak after just one happening to me. I was already ready to give up. Follow your heart is what I always say and do what you think is best for you and your family! Hugs!

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